Page 90 of Stars May Fall

The poison had been diagnosed by the palace physician, and I’d believed it was his skill and my strength that had saved me. He had certainly taken the credit. How much had he known about what was going on?

I turned for the door, but Callum pulled on my sleeve. “Wait, Kasten. This is not the time to act on impulse.”

I stopped, turning to him in annoyance, but he was still looking at Lyrason. “So what happens if we block the bond between them? Will Kasten die?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. But he will certainly be less than the man you know. Even though he only takes a small amount of vitality a day, it makes a difference. Have you really never thought, Kasten, about why you are stronger, faster, and more resilient than your peers, even when you weren’t using kryalcomy? Why it was so hard for the king to kill you? How you could keep going after injuries that would have killed other soldiers? Did you really think it was all natural?”

I gripped my hair, wishing I could remove his words from my skull. “But if I was using haemalcomy constantly, others would have heard it on their detectors.”

If Lyrason was ignorant of our device, he didn’t show it. He shrugged. “Others probably assume you’re always using kryalcomy devices, Kasten. And you’re only receiving a small amount from your mother, much less than when you drain a halfsoul. The sound would be the faintest of whines. Similar to what you heard from Stirling. Maybe even less now, since your mother is so weak.”

Callum’s grip on my sleeve tightened, and he moved close to my ear, a warning look in his eyes. “Kasten, we should proceed slowly. Cutting off the vitality your body has been used to for fifteen years could be dangerous, especially if it’s done abruptly. We don’t know what side effects there might be.”

Lyrason cleared his throat, making us turn to him. “He’s right. You need that vitality if you hope to defeat Kollenstar. If you wish to remain the war hero your entire identity rests upon. Your mother would understand. Your father too. They both made sacrifices for this. Now, I want to call in the debt you owe me. A life for a life.”

I frowned back at him, impatient with his games. “Explain.”

“I kept my promise to your mother. I kept her alive and hidden even when she was no use to me. Today I was tempted to put her out of her misery to weaken you. But I didn’t, and itcost me everything. You owe me. Spare my life like I spared hers. I can help you. I can give you all the haemalcomy secrets you’ll need to defeat Kollenstar. How else will you keep Kasomere safe? How else will you keep Sophie safe? The kingdom has been weakened by the coup, the troops are in disorder. Do you really believe Kollenstar won’t take advantage of that?” He strained on his bonds to meet my eyes as well as he could. “Your father turned to haemalcomy to save Stirling. Your mother did it to save you. It’s normal to use it to keep Sophie safe. She’s the only one you care about, correct?” He strengthened his voice. “You need me to keep her safe, Kasten.”

I didn’t reply; I just glared at him as his words rattled around my skull. I felt disjointed inside as if nothing was real. I turned to Callum. “Stay here. Don’t let Sophie come after me. And don’t lethimget inside her head.” I jabbed my finger at Lyrason before striding from the room.

This was something I needed to deal with alone.

I saton the cold stone floor of Lyrason’s parlor, the door to the cellar behind me, and pressed my head to my knees. I’d chased off the servants and guards, and now I needed to get my thoughts straight before I saw what had become of my mother.

Lyrason was right. We were more vulnerable against Kollenstar than ever. The only weapon we had of worth was…me. And if Sophie’s life was in danger, I had to protect her. I had to.

I was a protector, not a killer. But when you were required to kill to protect, the line became too blurred.

Kept alive by haemalcomy, I had become harder to kill and much more resilient. I could even use the starstone to wipe outthe armies of Kollenstar single-handedly. But what would be the cost?

‘I don’t want to be your excuse for acting like a monster.’Sophie’s words bit into me just as hard as when I’d first heard them.

Sophie really did believe I could be something better. But it would be so easy to take my father’s path, allowing haemalcomy so I could protect everything I knew and loved.

Sophie would hate the haemalcomy if she knew about it. She would hate it if I went on a killing spree through Kollenstar. Those soldiers wouldn’t stand a chance. But I had to stay strong enough to protect her when she didn’t recognize her own self-worth enough to keep herself from danger. If she ended up hating me and viewing me as nothing more than a monster, it might still be worth it to keep her safe.

I tightened my grip on my hair as the decision crystalized before me. The world, my parents, and circumstances all conspired to make this choice for me. But it was still my choice.

I hadn’t wanted Callum here for this. I hadn’t wanted to see his pleading eyes. I remembered his words nonetheless.

‘I will stand beside you no matter what. Because I don’t think it’s just Sophie that makes you a good person.’

I swore. Loudly.

Before I could change my mind, I stood, opened the cellar door, and ran down the steps.

I ignored the screams from behind the first door, which I assumed held the Originals, and tried to forget that Gregane had locked Sophie in there. If only I could kill him all over again.

Lyrason’s voice intruded in my mind.‘You need me to keep her safe, Kasten.’

“Shut up,” I growled aloud. Maybe I was finally going mad. This was day two with no sleep after all, and the stress and pressure I’d been under were immense.

I clenched my fists before using my fansifold knife to melt the lock on the final door. I hesitated and closed my eyes for a moment before opening it.

A small woman lay on a plain bed with only dimmed kryalcomy lights. A young maid sat reading by the bed, a pile of soiled blankets in one corner. She almost fell over in shock as I entered. I ignored her, my eyes fixed on my mother.

The frail woman on the bed looked far older than a woman in her late forties or early fifties should. Her hair was grey and spread out around her in uneven strands. She wore a stained shift. Beside her bed was some sort of feeding tube and liquid broth. She was so thin, she was skeletal.

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