Page 86 of Stars May Fall

Kasten joined me moments later, his sword still drawn and dripping blood. It put me on edge.

He scowled at Lyrason. “Is he still alive?”

I nodded and tried to sound calm. “His heart rate is slow but regular and not especially weak. Best not to put a bracelet on him yet, though. He’s very deeply sedated. He likely won’t wake up for hours. Possibly all night. He needs that vitality to ensure you can question him.” I didn’t look to see if Kasten still had the bloodstained artifact after he had used it to stab somebody, just to make sure they couldn’t recover from an already lethal blow.

Kasten wiped his sword on the grass before sheathing it. He helped me to my feet and held both my shoulders, locking me in place. His eyes were wild. “You scared me, Sophie. No, you terrified me. Again! Do you have any idea what you put me through?”

I cringed. Why couldn’t he see what I had just achieved? I was upset with him too, but I couldn’t deal with this on top of everything else that had just happened. I numbed my emotions and looked away. “I’m sorry, Kasten, for making you worry.”

“You said that last time, Sophie.” He shook his head, his eyes wide. “Your apologies don’t mean much when you continue to do this. Why, Sophie? Why do you put yourself in such vulnerable positions?”

He didn’t raise his voice, but his words still cut me. Something inside me crumpled. “I had no choice, Kasten. Lyrason and Gregane were about to get away. And there was nobody else there. Meena was…Meena had…I didn’t want her sacrifice to be for nothing.” To my shame, my numbness faded as soon as I thought of my guard and tears ran down my cheeks.

Kasten’s anger was becoming more visible now. “But itwouldhave been for nothing if you had been killed too, Sophie! Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive right now?”

I swallowed and lifted my chin, desperate to hold my ground, despite my exhaustion. “My actions meant you could track Lyrason and Gregane down and stop them, did they not? It was worth the risk, and if I’d died, it would’ve been worth the sacrifice. My actions saved many more from being changed into halfsouls. It meant you could capture Lyrason.Everyonehas been in danger today. Why should I be the one who is not allowed to help?”

He stepped right up to me, his face becoming white. “It would absolutelynothave been worth the sacrifice if it had meant your death. I don’t care how many citizens of Adenburg became halfsouls if it means you are safe.”

My restraint snapped. “But you should care, Kasten! My life is not worth more than theirs!”

He didn’t back down an inch, but his eyes darkened as he shook his head. “It is to me. You’re my wife. And your strengthsare innumerable, but they don’t lie in being a soldier. It is not your role to put your life at risk during a battle. You save lives through your mind: your abilities to heal and your ability to solve challenges.”

I frowned, trying to make myself taller so he didn’t loom over me. “My lifeis notmore valuable than hundreds of others, Kasten. It never will be. And I don’t want you to threaten to burn down the whole of Adenburg whenever I’m in danger. I don’t want to be your excuse for acting like a monster!”

He flinched, and I instantly regretted the words. I’d hit him too close to home. He snarled. “Don’t you understand that the more you risk yourself, the more of a monsteryoumake me by trying to protect you!”

It was my turn to feel like I’d been slapped. This wasn’t my fault. My retort stammered from my lips. “I only risk myself to show that I’m strong and capable, Kasten. Today proves that I can manage without your constant protection. I don’t want you to constantly worry and obsess about my safety. I’m not weak! You don’t have to be a monster.”

A strange, cold smile curved the corners of his lips that didn’t hide the pain in his eyes. “I’ve always been a monster, Sophie. It was only you who makes me good. But when you act like this, you bring the monster back.”

He turned and leapt for the wall, pulling himself up in one smooth motion. “I’m going to make sure there are no remaining halfsouls.”

I ran to the base, but was unable to follow him. “You’re not a monster!” I yelled after him. “That has never been true! Kasten!”

But he was gone, swallowed by the night. I collapsed next to Lyrason, the events of the last few hours catching up to me. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I choked on my own ragged breaths. I shouldn’t have said that. He shouldn’t havesaid that. How could we love each other so much that we were stifling each other?

Kasten had just done all he could to save Fenland and protect Annabelle. He hadn’t done that just for me. If I was all he cared about, he wouldn’t have concerned himself with smooth successions or preventing civil wars. He wouldn’t have aided Annabelle. We would have likely never left the safety of Kasomere. How could he still not see himself the way he was?

He was a good person with or without me. But I still didn’t want to be the reason he took lives. I wanted to help him see himself as good, and somehow, I had made it worse.

I brushed the tears from my eyes and waited for Meena before remembering she wasn’t coming. The realization made tears and guilt come afresh. Eventually, Tara and Sir Chase jumped over the wall—sent by Kasten—and helped me to my feet. Together we carried Lyrason back to Highfair.

Despite my longing to see him, Kasten didn’t reappear as Beatrice helped me wash and change. Tara stayed close by, and I kept mistaking her for Meena out of the corner of my eye; my wounds were constantly being rubbed raw.

Kasten still didn’t appear as I got into bed. He had to be as shattered as I was. A feeling of dread built in my stomach along with the memories of being abandoned and ignored by him for months. The tears threatened to come afresh as I tried not to despair.

At last, I collapsed back into bed alone and hoped the world would seem an easier place after some sleep.

ANNABELLE

The chaos of the day only made the contrasting silence of the late evening feel more stark. Never before had I been in a room with Father, Mother, and Stirling when it had been quiet.

Father had always seemed so big, his presence the gravitational force in every room he entered. Everything and everyone had rotated around him for as long as I could remember. Now, he looked so small, it was hard to understand how he could be so easily reduced to nothing.

All three bodies had been washed and prepared before being laid in beds of flowers with sickly sweet scents. Clarence had visited briefly; a servant wheeled him around in a chair due to his weakness from his injury, but it had been too much for him. I lingered, my throat thick, knowing that I’d never get the chance to see them again. Once I left this room, all I’d have left would be memories.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say goodbye.

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