Page 55 of Stars May Fall

I looked between her eyes, their blue reminding me of pure, clean water. After last night, it only brought into focus how desperately I needed her. I couldn’t lose her. I just couldn’t.

I lifted my hand to the smooth porcelain skin of her cheek. She seemed so fragile right now. I hated that I couldn't stay by her side. “Sophie, I can’t be with you when I’m in the the war council meetings.”

She nodded. “I know. I’ll miss you, but we’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.” She stood up, and I followed.

I hesitated and made my words as soft as possible.. “Just…please don’t do anything that puts you at risk again. I can’t take it, Sophie. You’re too precious. Work with Callum with your incredible mind and befriend Annabelle. That’s where your strengths lie. Be careful. Please. Stay away from Lord Lyrason, Mister Gregane and Duke James. Keep Meena with you at all times. Ideally, just stay at home or with Annabelle.”

She flinched ever so slightly, and I cursed internally, not sure which part of what I had said was wrong.

How could I show her that her strengths were different than what she thought she needed to do to prove she was strong?

She lifted herself on tiptoes and planted a small kiss on my cheeks. “Stay safe too, Kasten. I’ll be waiting for you.”

SOPHIE

It had been a long, tiresome day. I’d sent a servant to ask Annabelle if I could call on her, but she had responded that she was negotiating with envoys from Nibawae and asked that I come tomorrow. I tried not to be intimidated by everything she was doing at such a young age. I hadn’t achieved anything impressive by the age of nineteen. If I was more like her, able to shoot a crossbow and sneak effectively through downtown Adenburg, maybe Kasten would worry about me less. As it was, I could barely defend myself. It was my weakness that made him so terrified about my safety. But recently, I’d felt stronger and more capable than ever before. The clash between those two facts was frustrating.

That was if I didn’t count how I’d felt this morning.

I’d deliberately not thought about our night together. I didn’t want to descend into that confusing spiral of worries about becoming pregnant again. So I’d busied myself with preparing herbs and aiding Callum with his kryalcomy, though even he’d been gone most of the morning. Kasten had asked him to put out feelers for the missing Regan Jones amongst his mysterious friends while he made his other arrangements. I had to admit that by the afternoon, the walls of the house felt like they’dclosed in. I wished yet again we were back in Kasomere. But I was the one who had begged Kasten to take us here. I had chosen for us to enter danger. I only hoped it would all be worth it.

Kasten arrived home after seven. Somehow Kasten had returned to the house still full of energy and was discussing Callum’s meeting with his friends. It sounded mostly like they were pulling in favors to hide troops around the city inconspicuously. I hoped we wouldn’t have to use them.

I sipped my sage and rosemary tea hoping it would help sharpen my tired brain. The whole house felt different now that Kasten was inside, the atmosphere gaining purpose and energy again. I kept my eyes on my husband, admiring his efficiency and competence, while feeling a strange sense of disconnection. I wondered if everyone felt the magnetic pull that surrounded him, or if that was just because I loved him.

Kasten was frowning at a map of the city, a second map of the palace beside it. He tapped a finger over Duke James’s mansion. “We need a way to hamper Duke James. If it turns to fighting in the streets, it would be far more efficient to aim for the city guard’s leadership. Those guards follow orders pretty much blindly since that’s how they’ve been trained. Kill one man, and we will stop them all.”

Callum raised an eyebrow. “Hmm, nothing personal about it at all, I’m sure.”

Kasten gave him a dry look. “He’s one of our biggest threats. But yes, I would also take great satisfaction in seeing him removed from his station.” He glared back down at the map. “Duke James technically outranks Lord Lyrason. I would love to know how he got him under his thumb.”

I frowned, warming my hands on my teacup. I avoided Kasten’s eyes. “Wouldn’t Annabelle’s orders to the guard override Duke James?”

Kasten sighed. “If we’ve got to the stage of fighting in the streets, it will be chaos. Annabelle won’t be able to take control of the city guard easily. Especially if her fears are correct and they’ll be fighting on the side of Lord Lyrason and not the royal family.”

“Oh.” I looked down at the map, wishing I could be more useful in this area. Kasten reached out and placed his hand over where mine lay in my lap. Some of my awkwardness dissipated under the reassurance of his touch. I turned my hand over and interlocked my fingers with his.

Kasten’s eyes met mine, his manner still businesslike despite his touch. “Sophie, your job is to liaise with Annabelle. See if she can help get more of our soldiers into the palace and investigate what Lord Lyrason is doing with his troops. She’ll have plans of her own, I am sure. The more closely we can work together and use each other’s resources, the better. Your role is probably the most important in the whole plan.”

I nodded, grateful that Kasten trusted me with this—I wanted to be an integral part of the plan—but also feeling rising nerves that stole my appetite for breakfast. Kasten’s hand felt further away, even though his fingers remained interlocked with mine.

Callum swung back in his chair. “Can’t we just deal with Duke James the old-fashioned way? Fire, explosives, blow him into a million tiny pieces, that sort of a thing?”

Kasten scoffed. “It leaves too much of a trail for somebody to find and disrupt. Remember, we cannot be caught before we have the chance to move or this will be a disaster.”

Callum pouted. “Pity. I really wanted to blow up his house. It would make me feel a whole lot better about life.”

“How would you even get beyond the outside wall with that many explosives?” Kasten snorted. “Just focus on creating the cure and meeting with your friends. Lord Lyrason likelyhas soldiers with newly invented kryalcomy we’ve never seen. Ideally, we’d have a way to combat that.”

Callum swung forward with a sour expression. “You say these things as if they’re easy.”

The clock struck nine, causing a lull in the conversation.

I stood and picked up the small bag of medical supplies from the table. I intended to wear it attached to my belt for emergencies and had spent most of the day restocking the medications inside.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to retire early.”

Kasten stood up beside me. “Are you feeling all right? Would you like me to come to bed early too?”

---