Page 52 of Stars May Fall

Kasten grimaced. “I know. I’m bringing in more troops from Kasomere, but I have to be subtle. Any more than ten a day will be noticed and questioned, and I don’t want us to get blamed for plotting treason before we actually manage to do anything. We’re already being watched carefully. The king and Lord Lyrason seem to be waiting for something before challenging me. They want the secret of the starstone. Can you imagine? Immortal men like them with that sort of power?” His expression turned dark.

I started to speak but ended up yawning instead. My jaw cracked loudly. Despite the importance of our conversation, it was hard to keep my eyes open. Kasten picked me up, and this time I didn’t resist. “Let’s go to bed now. We can talk together in the morning.” He sealed his words with the finality of a kiss to my forehead.

A panicked shouttore through the night, wrenching me from sleep. It seemed to be echoing all around me, and the air was suddenly cold on my skin.

I jolted upright, hardly daring to breathe. What was it? Halfsouls? Lord Lyrason’s guards? Assassins?

But everything in the room was silent and unmoving. Blinking in the half-light of early dawn, I realized Kasten sat hunched over beside me, his head in his hands as he slowly rocked back and forth, the muscles in his powerful arms starkwith shadows. The sheets were tangled around his legs. Even in the poor light, his hair looked slick with sweat.

It took several heartbeats for my mind to clear enough to realize the shout had come from him.

Tentatively, I reached out my hand and touched his back. I had never seen him like this. “Kasten? Are you all right?”

He flinched, then raised his head, blinking rapidly as he took me in. His eyes were wide and wild. “Sophie,” he whispered ever so quietly, as if only just realizing I was there. “Sophie,” he repeated with more certainty, like a man in a desert convincing himself he’d found water and not just a mirage. He reached out and pulled me into him, squeezing me against his damp shirt. “Thank the kingdoms.” He fell back onto the bed, bringing me with him. His body sagged as if in relief and he held me so tightly, I didn’t dare move.

A soft knock sounded on the door. “Everything all right in there?”

Kasten cleared his throat. “Just the usual, Tara. No need for concern.” His voice sounded remarkably steady considering how his heart raced beneath my cheek. His breaths were deep and rapid as if part of him was still locked in a place of terror.

I tried to wiggle free of Kasten’s grasp so I could look at his expression, but his grip held me tight like iron. I relaxed against him instead and stroked where his shirt covered his ribs, hoping it would help him find calm. I whispered into the empty half-dark. “Was it a nightmare?”

My voice was so quiet, I thought for a moment he hadn’t heard. Then he started to stroke my hair in the same rhythm as my hand. “It was. You scared me today. Your visit to Lyrason’s house… I didn’t even know you were there until afterward.”

A sharp stab of guilt made me bite my lip, glad he couldn’t see my face. “I’m sorry, Kasten.” I had never wanted to make his life more difficult than it already was. Though it was hard toprocess that he could be scared of anything, I hated that I was the source of his fear.

How could I explain to him that today had made me feel strong and powerful and capable?

His hand kept stroking my hair, then lowered to my cheek, his thumb hooking under my chin. His calluses grazed my skin. My lips parted at the sensation.

“I feared that I’d lost you again,” he whispered, his voice rough and cracking at the edges. “I’m so glad you’re here, safe with me. That we have this moment. Why do we never have enough moments?” His voice was becoming ragged with frustration.

The fingers on my cheek kept stroking, distracting any thought of a reply. My face remained pressed against his chest, and through his shirt, his heartbeat wasn’t slowing.

He needed me here, pressed against him right now. It was strange to feel needed. I was so close to him, so wrapped up in him, that I didn’t want to move. This was where every part of me belonged, where every part of me felt safe. And all I wanted was to be closer until the only thing left in the world was him.

“Kasten, I’m sorry I scared you.” I honestly hadn’t meant to. “But taking that risk was worth it. We got what we needed.” I had proved I could even face the king; it made me feel like a whole other person.

Kasten took risks all the time, and now it was my turn to share in them. But I didn’t want to cause him such deep anxiety.

He didn’t reply. I still couldn’t see his expression. I could only hear his racing heart. I raised my hand across his body, feeling for his face. I reached the hard bow of his collarbone and then swept down into the tender dip of skin above it. My fingers vibrated over the pulse racing at his throat. I slowed as my fingers reached up to his chin, then stopped as the very edge ofmy fingertips grazed the swell of his lower lip. His head dipped, and warm lips brushed my fingers, making my stomach dip.

His free hand caught my wrist, and he kissed my hand again, his lips traveling down my fingers. My palm. My wrist. My forearm. He released his grip around my back as he rolled his large body onto its side, and at last, I could see his expression. It was no longer distressed, but something close to desperation was there in the shadows of his deep-set eyes.

His voice was a rough whisper. “Sophie, why did you go today? What made you go to Lord Lyrason’s house and take such a risk? What was therealreason behind it all?”

I frowned in confusion, struggling to know what he meant. My chest clenched. I opened my mouth but struggled to form words. My skin was still alive from his kisses and my mind addled. I forced a swallow, my mouth dry. “I’m sorry, Kasten.”

His knuckles grazed my cheek. “I’m not after an apology, Sophie. I’m not saying you did something wrong. I want to know what you were thinking. What drove you to do it?” His gaze bored into me as if he already knew and feared the answer—as if all my secrets and insecurities were written across my face.

I drew back slightly, scared about what he saw inside me. I looked up at the shadowed ceiling. I searched for the right words to describe emotions I didn’t fully understand myself. “We needed to find what is needed for the cure and find it fast, Kasten, before anyone else’s life was in danger. And I wanted to be helpful. I…wanted to be strong. I wanted to show that I could…that I could…”Belong at your side.The words sounded too foolish to speak out loud. As if I could ever contribute as much to this as him.

More than anything I didn’t want him to think of me as weak. And today, I hadn’t been. I had been brave and victorious. Why couldn’t he see that side?

Kasten pulled himself close to my ear. “You’ve got nothing to prove, Sophie. You’re already strong. You’re already useful. I’m so grateful you’re here with me.” His words were soothing, but there was an edge of pain to them I didn’t understand. “You don’t need to put yourself in danger for me to see how lucky I am to have you.”

I wet my lips, still refusing to look at his face. I wanted to believe his words. I so desperately wished the version of me he saw all the time was real. And today, it had been. But if I didn’t take risks, if I didn’t take the opportunities to prove to myself that I was strong, how was I to continue seeing myself like that? How could I grow? How could I be strong if there was no chance to be?

He rested a hand on my belly and stroked up and down ever so softly, distracting me from the negative thoughts. “Sophie, you are so beautiful. I will never get used to how beautiful you are. Or that you’re my wife.”

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