Page 115 of Faking It

“What are you thinking?” I query.

There’s a long beat where I’m not sure he’s going to answer, but then his lips slightly parts as he mutters, “That I wish I could feel nothing for you.”

Ouch.

I curl into myself, humiliation making me hot all over. Gideon exhales a sound between a groan and a sigh.

“I’ve never let my guard down for another woman. Never had the urge to tell anyone my secrets. Until you. I opened up to you. I worked hard to earn your trust, although I gave mine freely. Even then, it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough.” He gets up from the couch.

Standing to face his decisive sternness, I make another attempt at damage control. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Gideon sighs, palming the back of his neck. Inside, I feel empty. Yet, there’s so much pain. I want to take back what I’d said. I’m desperate to see his genuine smile again. I want to fix things so badly, but I don’t know what else to do.

Now I understand exactly how Tori felt.

“I won’t close the door on our friendship, Ana,” he finally replies. “But I’d rather be alone than with someone who’s quick to think the worst of me. I’m sorry.”

Swallowing the disappointment, I nod, willing myself not to cry. “I understand.” I can’t bear to stand in front of him any longer, knowing now that I love him, knowing I fucked things up. It’s too late for us.

“Take care of yourself, Gideon.”

He nods, and with that, I head out, holding it together until I get into my car, then I surrender to the flood of tears.

Chapter 43

Gideon

Standing by the window and watching Ana cry in her car totally fucked me up. It took every ounce of my willpower not to rush out there and console her. My heart cried with her, knowing I couldn’t. I can’t cross that line again. I’m not sure if I can trust her with this fragile organ in my chest.

There’s no doubt she’s a good person, but she’s still damaged. So am I. Can two damaged people make it work? For a moment, I thought we could, but our fight left me with a sinking doubt. After a sleepless night, I’m also left with a headache and a body that feels like a semi ran over it. But I have business to do. I have another meeting with the authorities who’ve pleasantly informed me that my money is still in the USA. It may take some time for me to get it back, but I will.

Dad got out on bail, but his travel docs have been seized by the authorities. He’s been calling my phone since he got home. Hell will freeze over if I answer.

A shower, a quick breakfast, then a phone call with Mom. It’s not Sunday, but I need to update her on what’s happening. Small doses, anyway. I don’t want her getting a relapse when things are finally turning around.

She answers on the first ring, her voice sounding much stronger than before as she startles me by greeting with, “I just heard the news.”

“About?” I ask, just to be sure.

“Your father. Well,overheardis more like it. I was reading in the garden when I heard the nurses. They had no idea I was sitting behind the hedges. Maybe that’seavesdropping. I don’t know.”

“What did you hear?”

“That the FBI arrested your father for stealing your money, basically. I think I’m still in shock. Of all the disgusting things he’s ever done, this…” She huffs, then I hear a gentle sob. “I’m sorry for choosing him to be your dad, Gideon. If only I could turn back time.”

“Mom, don’t cry.” How I wish I could hug her right now. My heart squeezes in my chest. “We’re going to get through this.”

“I know.” But she’s still sobbing, gasping louder now. A nurse will be appearing any minute now to give her something to calm her down. Which I don’t want. She’s made serious progress over the last few months, and I’m getting ready to take her out of there. I’d hate for her release to get delayed right now.

So, I decide to calm her down the natural way.

“Mom, I met someone.”

A round of sniffling follows that slightly skewed statement. There’s a pause, then a pleasant gasp. “You did?”

“Yes, but… it’s complicated.”

I go on to tell her everything about what Ana and I had gone through. Minus the sex. It’s safe to assume my mother already knows that’s a given. I hear her soft sigh when I’m done talking.

---