Page 48 of College-Virgin & Dark Bully Next-Door

I continue, spotting a possum in the branches and smiling. The sunshine through the leaves turns them emerald and makes me feel like I’m in some enchanted forest. All the life around here. If I look hard enough, I can see a million little worlds that don’t give a shit about me.

Being insignificant to other creatures and people makes me breathe easier. All my problems seem smaller in comparison. Ants trying to survive and get food back to their colony to ensure that babies can grow and eat and continue building a whole maze of a home is so much more important than my petty issues.

I see a doe through the drees and snap a photo of her when she raises her head. She continues chewing grass while trying to decide if I’m a threat or not. When she keeps eating, I feel my heart warm.

See?I say to myself.I don’t need Ash to have fun. I don’t need Ash at all.As long as I remind myself of that, I won’t get confused. Wanting him hurts my self-esteem but needing him will be total devastation. So, I justwon’tneed him.

And that’s how I survive the next two days until Bonnie can finally come over for a sleepover. She laments over a new fling who’s no good in bed while we paint each other’s nails, then we watch a movie we’ve dedicated to each other until she nudges me.

“Something has to be new in your life, girl. I refuse to accept that you’re just home alone all the time.”

“Well…” I search my mind for an interesting event, but nothing comes close to the steamy encounter Ash and I had recently. “I’ve been seeing some really cool wildlife lately. Look at these photos!” I move through the camera and am careful to avoid the photos of Ash. I show her the different bugs, the possum, the deer, but she barely looks at them. “Don’t give me that look.”

“What look, the one that says you need to get a life?”

“I do have a life. I have my blog. Which, I might add, has gained a twenty-percent increase in traffic.”

“Good for you. It still doesn’t change the fact that your life needs a little color.”

Oh, best friend. If only you knew how colorful my life is.

“Speaking of having a life, is your brother really still working doubles?” Bonnie asks.

“I don’t know why you keep asking that question when you know the answer. Family game night will never recover,” I say sarcastically. The silence stretches, and I shrug. “It is what it is, Bonbon. Chase works. Dad … is still recovering.”

“It’s been two years,” she grumbles. “He’s supposed to be the adult about it.”

“Let’s just … watch the movie,” I suggest.

But when we get set up on my bed, she looks out my window and whistles. “Ashton Warren is an absolute asshole, but what a view.”

I peek out the window and see him working out. He sits up and rubs his face with a towel. I shove Bonnie before he can spot us, and she giggles. “You know I’m just teasing. He’s a world-class, heavyweight dick.”

“Yeah,” I murmur. I hate keeping this from her. I hate being unable to share this because she’d fly off the handle and stage a whole intervention.

“I mean it. He’s going to have to deal with so many rounds of reincarnation just to make up for the shit he’s done in this lifetime.” She rolls her eyes. “I feel bad for whoever he ends up with.”

“Maybe he just needs a slap in the face to realize he has to change.” I shrug.

Bonnie stares at me for a long time, then shakes her head slowly while her eyes stay on me. “Either you’re too forgiving, or you haven’t shaken your crush, and I don’t know which one is worse.”

“Bon,” I start.

“No. No. Seriously, I would disown you if you ever ended up like one of his flings. Like, I love you, but we have first-hand experience knowing what a dick he and his brother are. Not justadick. They’re a bag of dicks. Moldy dicks.”

“Eew,” I laugh.

She points at me. “Exactly. Don’t make me slap some sense into you.”

We go back to watching a movie, then head to the pool. We have a pretty easy night, and she darts away in the morning, kissing my cheek and saying she loves me.

Leaving me to consider her comments all by myself. I linger on the porch, assembling my thoughts. Playing with Ash was bad from the start, but realizing it could cost me Bonnie is … hard. Maybe I should just put an end to it entirely.

A shadow crosses my vision, making me glance up. Peter takes a seat next to me like he just belongs there. I scoot further away. “What the hell do you want, Peter? I didn’t invite you over.”

“I was passing by and saw you sitting here. You looked … scared.”

“Why do you care?” I bite out. “You love making my life a living hell. You should be happy. Why aren’t you?”

---