Page 16 of College-Virgin & Dark Bully Next-Door

Chase backs off with a warning at Peter and I give myself a timer. One minute for them to get back into the restaurant before I follow. An extra fifteen seconds to get over the lingering effects of my interaction with Ash.

Make that twenty.

No, thirty.

But even in the car ride home, I can feel his hand clutching my dress, his nose skimming over my throat, his breath against me. And in my bedroom, the first thing I do is look out the window to see him there.

He has his hands on the back of his head as he paces. I feel the same. I’m frustrated, I’m confused, and I don’t understand anything. But looking at him won’t help. Especially when I see him going for his shirt. I drop my curtain and turn around, my hand on my chest.

“This is stupid,” I tell myself.

And I can’t be this stupid. Two years ago, I would have died at that contact. I would have given into whatever he wanted, even with his reputation as king of one-night stands. My blood would have boiled, I would have given him my first kiss, I would have given him my special moments. I would have fallen over myself to have more of him.

But I’m stronger now. I’m better now. I’ve seen what emotions do to people. I know … I know I’m stronger than what I feel.

And the next day, I proved it by going out with Bonnie. We get cupcakes, and I lick the frosting while still thinking of Ash. Fucking Ash. I can’t stand him. How he thinks he just has a right to me. That he can just touch me, use that childhood nickname he gave me and be protective. He doesn’t own me. I’m not his.

“You’re stuck in your head,” Bonnie says, pointing at me with the cupcake wrapper. “And turning the boys on.”

I look over her shoulder and see two guys just staring at me openly. I swallow hard, then take the bottom off my cupcake and put it on the frosting to eat it like a sandwich. I eat it quickly, and the guys seem to snap back into their conversation.

“What’s going on, babe?” she asks, taking my hand across the table, ignoring there is actually frosting on my fingers.

“We had to have dinner with Peter and Ash and their parents last night, and it felt … bad,” I whisper.

She leans her head to the side. “You had to?”

“Yeah. Dad insisted. He wanted to celebrate before Chase goes back to school, and apparently, Ash coming home is something crazy and new.” I roll my eyes and pick at another cupcake, just taking a chunk with my fingers. “It was hard.”

“Well, yeah. Your two tormenters right there, and you’re forced to talk to them!” She gasps.

I shake my head slowly. “Mom wasn’t there. The last time we all had dinner, she was, and it got to me. I walked out because I couldn’t … I couldn’t handle it. It was too much.”

Bonnie hugs me, then licks the frosting off her fingers as she sits back. Then we head back to my room with the rest of the cupcakes. She keeps trying to get me to talk about my mom, but I can’t. She left more than my dad. She left me and Chase too.

She’s texted me, but I can’t talk to her. She up and packed her things when we were all out of the house. She knew she was leaving and said nothing at all. And I can’t reconcile that. I can’t talk about it or move forward or do anything to fix it, so what’s the point of thinking about it?

“But that can’t be all. You hate being around Peter and, on top of that, Ash?”

I shrug.

“Oh no,” she points at me. “Hell no. You can’t still have a crush on him. You can’t. He’s a total dick after what he did, and if the rumors are true about him and girls … No way, Sky.”

“I know.”

“And if you end up with him, I’m going to be mad. Really mad,” she continues. “I mean it. He’s treated you like shit, and he’ll only treat you like a toy and toss you to the side when the next shiny thing comes along. You deserve better.”

I hug her again and nod. “I know.”

We spend the rest of the day together, doing facials and having fun; then, when she heads out, I look at the time. I might be able to get something in. Right? Something, anything in terms of what I like to do, things Bonnie won’t do.

Like snapping photos.

But when I open the front door, and the sun is basically down, I sigh. I change into the swimsuit that didn’t get any use before. I pull on a giant t-shirt to cover myself up and sit down on the edge of the pool, sliding my feet into the water. I kick a little and think about getting into the water.

I watch the ripples play with the light and look over the forests behind our house. It’s a perk of living in Indiana. Plenty of trails, lots of streams, plenty of bugs in summer, and on top of that, lots to do.

Leaning back, I close my eyes and smile to myself. Someone splashes me, and I look over at my brother. Chase sits down and nudges me. “All good?”

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