Page 228 of His Sunshine Baby

I take a deep breath.

No matter what, I want to see her. I don’t want to push this back any longer. For Estelle’s sake, too, we need to have this conversation, as painful as it may be.

“… Daddy?”

“Yeah, we’re going. Let’s go see Mom.”

“Yay!”

She looks bright and happy again, unaware of my inner turmoil. I drive to the hospital, a hundred thoughts fighting inside my head. I’m a mess inside, and I’m so not ready when I finally park, helping Estelle out while Boyan takes the lead.

We walk inside, and honestly, I’m torn between running to her room and running outside. I’m just… so ashamed. Ashamed of the idiot I’ve been, ashamed of everything I’ve said to her. How mad will she be? How much can she really resent me, after all this time?

“Daddy!”

Estelle guides me back to her mom’s room; she already remembers which one it was. We wait outside for a second, and Nora suddenly walks out.

“Auntie Nora! Mommy is awake!”

“Yes she is, sweetheart. You ready to see her?”

“Yes! Can I go in now?”

“Go, honey. No running and no screaming, okay?”

“Yes, I promise!”

After that, Estelle lets go of my hand to rush to her mom, yet not running as she promised. I stay outside the room, my heart thumping loud. Nora looks at me, a bit worried.

“Nathaniel? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know… what to say.”

“It’s okay. You two need to talk, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

“Alright. I’ll stay here with Bobo.”

I nod, my mouth a bit dry. Yeah, I’ll be fine. We will be fine.

I step inside, and the only separation between us is a simple curtain. I can already hear her voice, talking with Estelle.

“… he bought you new clothes?”

“Yes! Daddy got me a new drawing set too. It has fifty pencils, a lot of pretty colors, and even animal stamps.”

“Whoa, you’ll make pretty pictures with that?”

“Of course! I’ll make new ones for you, Mommy. And for Auntie Nora too! And Daddy!”

I try to gather my courage and take another step, but Moon Goddess, I’m scared. I can’t remember the last time I was so stressed.

“… Nathaniel, if you want to talk, you’ll have to stand where I can see you.”

Her voice takes me by surprise, causing me to jump. Damn it. Of course she felt me. I gather up all my courage and step forward, finally facing her hospital bed.

Damn it. It’s so… awkward.

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