Page 64 of His Sunshine Baby

He gets up to fill my cup of lemon tea again, and I sigh. I’m slowly calming down. What a mess… When he comes back, I’m breathing a bit better. I take the cup to drink a bit, and Nate waits patiently for me, sitting close.

“… Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, but… Elena, what was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? That looked like a small panic attack to me. Did I do this?”

“What? No! It was not a panic attack, Nate.”

“Then what was it?”

I sigh and shake my head. Why does he have to be so curious now?

“I was just a bit overwhelmed for a second. I don’t… I’m not used to these kinds of things anymore.”

He frowns.

“Kissing? I’m pretty sure we do that quite often.”

“No, silly. Being so… cared for. I mean, I have Danny, but he’s family to me. But you… You fucking scare me, Nate. I don’t get why you’re so nice, so caring. Even as friends with benefits, you disarm me in a way that’s past what I can handle.”

“What does that mean? I can’t be nice to you?”

“This isn’t about being nice, Nate! You’re not just being nice, you… you show me you care for me, and…”

“Why is my caring for you so frightening?” he interrupts me. “Yes, I like you a lot, and yes, maybe I overstepped a bit by coming here, but you don’t have to back away or freak out because of that, Elena. I’m just doing what I want. I’m not going to lie, and I’m selfish as fuck. If I want to come here and be with you, I’ll do it.”

I shake my head again. Without me even noticing, he took my hand, and he’s rubbing it gently with his thumb.

“Nate, I can’t. I can’t be selfish like you, and I can’t act as I please. I am so fucking scared of repeating my past mistakes… I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to go through what I went through again.”

“Elena, look at me.”

He gently raises my chin to have me look at him, his face dangerously close.

“First, I am not going to hurt you, ever. I’ll play by your rules and respect your wishes. If you tell me to come, I’ll come. If you ask me to back off, I will. I won’t be a mistake, or whatever asshole you’re thinking about. This is different. I won’t be your boyfriend, or marry you, or give you children. I am not that type of man, so you can relax. Take it easy.”

I slowly take in his words. He is right. From the start, I knew what this was going to be: a relationship without any promises nor commitment, only that one rule to not fall in love with the other. I don’t know if I should be relieved or just sad. I just find it… hard, and straining. I just have to keep my feelings for Nate in check.

I nod, helpless. What can I say? I’m an emotional mess, maybe because of my period. But he smiles gently.

“Really not your day today, hm?”

I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. He’s probably right. I just needed something to whine about, and some comfort. Nate rubs my back and hugs me, and for a few minutes, we stay like this, with him gently caressing my hair.

“… Do you like cold pizza?”

I chuckle. That idiot. When I lift my head up again, I’m feeling a lot better. Pouring my heart out to Nate a little has done me some good. He gives me a quick kiss on my forehead, and it feels like everything is fine.

Alright, time to eat that pizza.

We share it, critiquing it like we are culinary experts. Well, Nate plays the part better than I do; I’m just stuffing my face. But Moon Goddess, that pizza asked for it, it’s delicious! I gulp it down, slice after slice, barely leaving any for him.

“The baby dinosaur is back!” he laughs at me.

“Shut up, I haven’t eaten in almost two days.”

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