Page 285 of His Sunshine Baby

“Estelle, listen to me. Mommy and Daddy won’t be able to stay with you for a while.”

“Because the bad people will attack us?” she asks. “I heard Auntie Nora talk on the phone, and Auntie Sylviana too.”

I nod, trying to think of how to explain war and death to a four-year-old.

“Yes. You know how Mommy is very strong? And Daddy too? Well, we will be protecting everyone. Your uncles, too.”

“I can’t stay with you?”

“No, my little star. Mommy needs to fight, and I can’t fight if I am worried about my baby. So I need you to be a good girl and stay with Auntie Nora, okay?”

She starts sobbing, holding my hands with a distressed expression. Oh, Moon Goddess, I can’t bear to see my baby girl crying.

“Estelle, Mommy will…”

“Selena! My water just… My water just broke!”

Moon Goddess. Now? Now, of all times? Crap… This is too soon!

I take a deep breath. I can feel Nora mind-linking everyone and the ruckus of all the voices talking at the same time. I still have a few minutes. Damn it, I didn’t think it would happen so fast.

“Mommy will be here to protect you. Baby, I’ll fight to protect you. Mommy loves you, Estelle. You remember in the forest? When you hid?”

“Y… Yes…” she cries.

“Well, it’s the same, baby. Mommy needs you to be a good girl and hide with Auntie Nora.”

“B… But… Mommy will be hurt again…”

She’s looking at my shoulder, where I still have a hideous scar. I shake my head and caress her wet cheek. She’s so cute even when she cries.

I hear Nathaniel behind me, and he comes next to me in silence, taking one of Estelle’s hands.

“Mommy will be okay as long as you are safe, my baby star,” I continue. “Mommy will do her best, fight the bad people, and come to find you again, okay?”

“Daddy will protect Mommy, okay?” says Nate. “I promise, my little star.”

Estelle keeps crying loudly, looking at the two of us.

“I don’t want you to go… to go fight… I… I want all of us to… to stay with Auntie… and together… I don’t want Daddy and Mommy to go…”

Oh, crap… I’m starting to cry too. I was trying hard to hold it in, but I can’t bear it. Estelle’s sobbing is too much for me to handle. I lose it and hug her, standing up with my baby in my arms. I smell her, engrave her smile in my mind, the touch of her soft hair and chubby cheeks.

“I love you… I love you, my baby… I’ll do my best and come back to you. Mommy will be alright.”

I hear Nate whispering to her too, caressing her blond hair and trying to reassure her. After a few seconds, I put her in his arms, and undo my necklace for the first time in years, to give it to her.

“Mommy…”

“You keep Mommy’s necklace, baby. You know how much Mommy loves it, so you take good care of it, okay? I love you, my little star, Mommy will come and find you soon, okay?”

“O… okay… Mommy… You have to come… with Daddy…” she replies, trying to talk despite her loud sobbing, her little hand on the sun pendant.

She continues crying in Nate’s arms, who tries to soothe her, whispering into her ear.

“We love you, Estelle. Mommy and Daddy… We will come back for you. Daddy will protect Mommy, so don’t you worry, okay? You’re Daddy’s little princess, don’t ever forget. Forever, Daddy loves you and Mommy more than anything.”

It’s my first time seeing Nathaniel cry. He holds our baby for a long while, but it’s never enough. He holds us together, a long hug, until it’s time to part for real. I can’t ignore the voices echoing in my mind anymore.

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