Page 114 of Exes and Oh Hell No

“Stop!” I yell. “It’s my friend.”

“Jesus Christ.” Allie is squatting down, her hands over her head. “Is it safe? Why is a hockey-stick-wielding maniac trying to decapitate me?”

Ford grabs the stick, smacking Connor in the ass with it. “You need to keep your hands off this thing, jackass.”

“Hey. I was defending us.”

“Yeah. From her five-foot-two friend. Real threat.” Ford rolls his eyes, keeping his hand tightly on the hockey stick as he locks eyes with me.

I hover by Allie, my gaze moving back to her, checking to make sure Connor didn’t hit her.

“I’m fine.” She slowly removes her hands from her head, her eyes searching for the culprit who nearly beheaded her.

When they land on Connor, she points a long, red nail at him. “What the fuck is your problem, dude?”

He immediately becomes defensive. “What the fuck ismyproblem? You waltz through the door of acrime scenewithout knocking?—”

I help Allie to her feet.

“What crime scene?” She looks around, her eyes landing on the broken coffee table. “Other than a broken table, everything appears fine.”

“It wasn’t when we got here.” Connor takes a step closer, holding up both of his hands. “Sorry I nearly took your head off. Don’t barge in like a criminal.”

Ford snorts, muttering, “Dumb ass,” loud enough that I hear.

I bite my lip, trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Connor.” He slowly extends his hand to Allie.

She eyes him wearily. “Allison. But my friends call me Allie.”

“Hey, Allie. It’s nice?—”

“I didn’t say you were my friend, you hockey stick-wielding maniac.”

Connor chuckles. “So you’re saying I’m adept with my…stick.”

I groan as Allie makes a disgusted face at him. “I hope you don’t wield your dick around like that, or you’ll get it cut off.”

Ford laughs. “I’m shocked that hasn’t happened yet.”

“Ouch.” Connor cups himself, shooting Allie a dark look. “Leave my frank and beans alone.”

I crack up, shaking my head as my eyes meet Ford’s.

He shrugs, trying not to laugh, but gives in to the craziness.

“Your junk is probably the size of a frank and two beans,” Allie quips, her hands on her hips as she looks at Ford. “You must be the man turning my best friend inside out.”

She smiles, walks over to him, and extends her hand. “I’m Allie. Her bestie.”

He takes her hand, his eyes moving from me to her. “Hi, Allie.”

“You hurt her, and you’ll have me to deal with. I’m a lot more effective at getting shit done than your hockey stick waving maniac friend over there.”

Ford snorts. “I can believe it. It’s not hard to be more competent than Connor.”

“Hey.” Connor marches over to them. “I’m loyal and protective.”

---