Page 94 of Kortlek

“I’m not done yet,’’ he interjects, though his voice doesn’t raise. “I know you love Cove. The reason for this is beyond me, but I know you do. So, why couldn’t you listen to him? He told you to stay put. All you had to do was stay put.’’

“I couldn’t.’’ I rest my elbows on my knees, putting my face in my palms. Shame overwhelms me, and I can’t look him in the eye. “I was so scared that he’d kill Rose. She’s our friend, and I just…’’

“You just, what, Aria? Do you trust us —me— that little? I promised you we’d find Rose. Why couldn’t you just trust me?”

“Because I couldn’t sit around! As soon as you and Cove left, I figured out that Wyatt sent you the video as a distraction, and I figured out where he’d actually be. So, I left before the timer ran out.’’

“You could’ve called me!”

“I didn’t want to!” I admit, lifting my head from my hands. “I wanted to do it by myself!”

“Is revenge so important to you that you’d risk your life again? Call me fucking selfish; I don’t care, but do you really not think about anyone else or anything else but your revenge?”

“That’s not—’’

“That’s not, what?” He cuts me off, eyes hardening and tears vanishing. “How do you think Cove would feel? I know that man better than I know myself! Losing you would fucking wreck him for life. Cove isn’t Cove unless he has you, Aria! And what about Mom, Dad? Fuck, what about me? Do you think I could handle losing you?”

“You didn’t lose me! I’m right here! I’m alive and I’m fine!”

“You almost weren’t!” He yells, abruptly standing up and pacing around me again. “Just like you almost weren’t fine when you tried taking your life, or when you saw Wyatt in the basement, or when you snuck into Kortlek! You’re always alive just by a fucking thread, Aria! What will it take for you to stop risking your life?”

“What am I supposed to do?! Just forget about Wyatt and hide away?’’

“Let me take care of it!”

“I’m not a child anymore! I don’t need you taking care of me!”

“And that’s what is constantly almost getting you killed!” He screams, then tries to calm himself down by taking deep breaths. It doesn’t work, though.

“Why don’t you focus on the girl that actually needs protection and leave me alone?”

As the words leave my mouth, I regret them immediately. Arlo’s pacing comes to a sudden halt, and he turns to look at me. At first, he’s in disbelief. He can’t believe I just said that. He blinks, and once he realizes I actually said it, he takes a step back.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

Apologize, Aria.

That’s all I need to do. Arlo knows me; he knows I just said it without thinking. My biggest flaw is my tongue being quicker than my brain. However, he’s not the one to hold a grudge against me. With a simple apology, all of this can be fixed.

Instead, I double down.

“You heard me. Focus on Blair and leave me the fuck alone. I know you just fucking adore damsels in distress, so go to yours. I’m not one.’’

“How can you say that? You know better than anyone else what she’s been through. Hell, there are things she hasn’t told me, but she has told you. Using her as a weapon in an argument that has nothing to do with her is a low blow, even for you.”

“If a gun was pressed to your head, and you were forced to pick between Blair and me, you’d pick Blair in a heartbeat. So, please, go and focus on her and leave me alone. I don’t need your pity or fucking protection.’’

For the first time since I’ve known him, Arlo is rendered speechless.

I know that Blair has nothing to do with this, nor does she deserve my anger. I love her, Mom and Dad love her like she’s the third child. But right now, I want to hurt Arlo. I don’t know why. I’m pathetic, insecure, and everything that Wyatt said starts to resurface in my mind.

Arlo doesn’t spare me another glance. He grabs the coat off the couch, tosses it on, and leaves Cove’s place with a slam of the door. He left before he’d say something he’d regret and left me to drown in my own regret.

I lean back on the couch, closing my eyes.

Everything in me hurts. My body, my mind, and my soul start aching the moment I’m left alone. I don’t cry, albeit there are tears that threaten to spill. My head’s a mess. I don’t know why I said what I said.

She doesn’t deserve this.

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