Page 43 of Beautiful Liar

Ouch. That fucking hurt because it was true. I couldn’t protect myself. Not from Luca. Not from Enzo. Not from anyone. “Fine, you want to know what he wanted? He has pictures of us, pictures Cillian had when he took me.”

Kieran stopped moving.

“Yeah, I didn’t tell you about the pictures because Cillian was dead.”

“Dead because I killed him to protectyou,” he said.

Although I’d suspected, the knowledge that he chose me over his own safety made me feel warm inside even if he sounded as if he regretted it right now.

“Get off me,” he ordered.

I rolled off of him and he quickly sat up at the edge of the bed, his scars so damn prominent on his back. I wanted to touch them, to kiss them again. To share them with him some way. They had been his to bear alone for so long, I wasn’t sure if he knew how to share them with anyone. To share himself with anyone.

“I’m doing the best I can,” I said, my voice thick with an emotion I couldn’t erase “It’s not like I know how to do this shit.”

He glared at me over his shoulder. “Shit. That’s what we are? Shit?” He paused for a second, not expecting an answer. “What else did he do?”

I scooted back, sitting against the headboard, naked, my cock against my thigh. “Come here and I’ll tell you.” I patted the space beside me. “We can talk like civilized people.”

“Naked. Who just fucked?”

I smirked, going for sweet, can’t be rejected, smile. I didn’t want him angry with me, but I couldn’t tell him everything either. Not with the risk of him going berserker on Luca and getting killed. And I still didn’t know what the collar meant, so that convo wasn’t happening.

He sighed, long and deep, then scooted back to sit beside me, our shoulders and thighs brushing. I lifted my leg over his and ran my hand up and down the inside of his thigh, along his pelvis. “I love the way this feels,” I said, running my fingers up and down the arch. His cock pulsed but remained flaccid. The room was warm. Maybe too warm.

“Talk.”

“Luca is insane.”

“Yes, I know that.”

“But he’s not completely off the rails. He’s trying to figure things out on his own too.”

Kieran glanced at me. His eyes so light green they made me forget my words for a moment. I ran my finger down his face, pushed the errant stray hairs behind his ear. They were too short to remain there. “You’re so beautiful, Kieran.” His eyes remained on mine as if trying to call my bullshit. “I love you,” I said. His lips tightened as if he meant to say something. “And not just because you’re beautiful. I love everything about you,” I went on, needing to get this out of my chest. “I love how alpha you are around people, but a kitty cat in bed. I love that you’re loud in your pleasure. I love how you protect me and those that you love. Even from your own dark secrets. I love how you smile, even when people are not looking.”

“You love me enough to lie to me.”

I dropped my hand and removed my leg from over his. “You lied to your brothers about being gay, why?”

“This is not the same thing.”

“Why, Kieran? Why did you lie when you knew they wouldn’t care?”

“BecauseIcared. I lied because ofme.”

I took his hand and put it on my thigh, interlacing our fingers as he thought through what he just said, hoping, he’d make the connection so I wouldn’t have to tell him. After a few minutes, he huffed and pulled out his hand. I didn’t watch him leave the bed but I heard the bathroom door close and the shower shortly after.

No, Kieran didn’t get it. Because all he saw was the narrow black and white of all the potential harm someone could cause him.

I knew that and I still couldn’t tell him about Enzo.

I lied to him because ofme. Because I wouldn’t survive hisreaction to the truth. Maybe because I believed I deserved what was coming.

Chapter Eighteen

Kieran

The tension in my muscles waned as the hot water pounded against my body. I’d meant to wrangle the fucking truth from Tomás when I decided to wait for him, sending the others to Arcas alone. We had to plan our survival. But when Tomás got out of the shower and gave me that fucking look, his eyes pleading, needy, I couldn’t stand my ground. I could never stand my ground when he needed me. How the fuck was I supposed to love him when he lied to me?

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