It doesn’t.
She cries.
“It’s…okay. You’re okay,” I tell her, but I don’t think she understands English yet. Still, I try.
I shift my weight back and forth and that seems to help, so I keep doing it.
It feels weird. Really fucking weird, but also it’s not so bad.
She settles just a fraction, her cries lessening the more I move, so I keep that up.
She stops squirming too.
I glance down at her to see she’s staring at me with pristine blue eyes that are so round and big it looks almost uncanny. Her long eyelashes are dark and thick. She looks a lot like Amelia, but I can also see Dex. It’s strange and makes me wonder what kind of details and traits would be different if it was my DNA. Not that I’ll ever know, because I can’t have kids. I don’t want them. Never have. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder in vain what my kid would look like.
I’m pretty sure everyone wonders that.
Seeing those little bits of Rose genetics peeking through in Lyla is both fascinating and weird.
“See, I’m not so bad,” I tell her with a smirk. Her little eyes light up and she kicks her feet against my chest. “You good now?” I ask, even though I know she can’t answer me. She’s a baby, for God’s sakes, but it feels like talking to her is what I should do. She needs to learn my voice. Learn who I am. That she can trust me.
She is my niece, after all.
She lets out a little chirping sound as she squirms in my grasp.
“Alright, then. No more screaming, okay?” I settle her back down, careful as I hold her little writhing body. When I set her down, she stares up at me with bright blue eyes and a smile that is all Amelia. “Okay, then. Good talk.” When I turn around to leave, I’m met with familiar sparkling blue eyes.
Amelia.
She stares at me where I stand and I feel strangely on display. My body heats and panic swells in my chest. I know that look she has on her face. I’ve seen it plenty of times. I shouldn’t have come in here. I shouldn’t have…
So I say nothing as I walk out of Lyla’s room, past Amelia, and into the kitchen. I grab my plate and head to the garage, where no one will bother me.
And I stay there all fucking night, until I fall asleep on the couch.
17
TRIPP
It’s nearingone thirty by the time I get home, and I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. It’s always fun hanging out with the guys outside of practice and games. Sometimes a couple beers and good music is more than therapeutic.
I’ll have to get my car in the morning from Manny’s house since we all met up at his place to head down, and I wasn’t okay to drive. I don’t feel that drunk, but I guess it’s better safe than sorry, right?
Thankfully, Dane and Richie aren’t assholes about me staying out late and whatnot. They don’t really care what I do as long as I don’t get in trouble. They don’t ask questions. It’s nice, sometimes.
But as I walk through the door, my gaze settling on Amelia on the couch—in her cute little bunny-print pajamas—I have to wonder whatherreaction will be.
Also, what is she doing up this late?
“Late night?” I ask, and she jolts up, looking right at me as I shut the door.
“Tripp…I didn’t uh…see you there.”
I smirk. “You see me now, though, don’t you, Mama Mia?”
I don’t miss the way her cheeks tint with a blush or the way she bites her lip as she nods.
“I guess so.”