Page 45 of Silver Fox's Twin Babies

“Yeah, and she was so happy.” I joined in him laughing as the ladies offered confused expressions.

“And she started reciting the lyrics to the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ instead of praying.” Jacob laughed so hard he burst into tears and had to put down his fork.

It made everyone around the table laugh too. The memory was always a fond one for me and Jacob, though we hadn’t spoken of it in years since we had been more distant than usual. I was happy to be bringing back the close bond we had when we were younger, and even the familiar traditions that we’d let slip over the past few years.

“Ah,” I sighed, feeling grateful for this day. “We used to go around and say what we’re thankful for. Erin, would you like to start?”

Jacob didn’t seem to be upset that I made the request despite him being the host. He and Erin exchanged glances and smiles, and she boldly announced: “While I have so much to be thankful for this year, the thing I’m most thankful for is my husband.” Her eyes misted up as she continued. “We almost lost you, baby, but I’m so glad you are a fighter. Sometimes I hate that feisty temper you get but it makes you so determined.” The grin on her face was priceless. It made a few of us tear up too as they leaned forward to kiss.

Jacob reached out to touch her hand and his glass tipped over, sending his water splashing off the edge of the table, almost onto Erin’s lap. She dodged it and snickered. “Clumsyman.” Her playful scolding preceded Jacob standing to drop his cloth napkin to the floor and mop up the mess.

“Alright, Mona, how about you?” he said while he used the toe of his dress shoe to push the napkin around the hardwood floor.

“Well yes!” Mona set her fork down and dabbed her mouth as she swallowed her bite of food. “I’m so thankful this year that my business is doing well, and that my grandbabies are healthy. I just keep thinking of how hard life can be, but we’re so blessed in so many ways. Aren’t we?” She looked at Amber whose eyes were misty still from laughing so hard.

“We really are,” Amber said. She held her mom’s hand while it was her turn to say what she was grateful for. Her eyes traced up to mine and her expression grew more serious, eyes sobering, forehead clearing of lines. “I’m so thankful that after all this time, the love I’ve felt for the most amazing man in the world is still there burning so brightly.”

“Aw,” Erin cooed. I didn’t look in her direction to see the expression on her face because Amber took her hand from Mona’s and turned to me. She stared up at me until I offered her a chaste kiss, careful not to spill my water.

“What are you thankful for, honey?” Erin asked Jacob as he sat back down.

He harrumphed and sighed, then his forehead furrowed and he nodded. “Life.” The one simple word was enough. The room grew silent for a moment as we all remembered truly how close we’d come to losing him. This meal, the presence of joy and love here, none of it would’ve been present this year without him. I wouldn’t know about my twins, and we would all have been mourning the loss of such a great man.

“Me too, honey.” Erin softly acknowledged what we were all thinking. Gratitude for life truly ran deep.

“I supposed it’s my turn.” Everyone remained somber after Jacob’s gratitude was released. It wasn’t the perfect moment to say my piece, but it was an opportunity I wasn’t going to pass up. My heart was overflowing with thankfulness for the life I hoped to have. The road was laid out in front of me plainly, but the steps to navigating it were still foggy.

“I’m thankful for my family.” My head hung; I didn’t look at anyone’s faces. Pouring out my heart wasn’t ever an easy thing for me. “I’m thankful for this woman by my side, and for the children she carried and birthed for me.” Amber reached over under the table and touched my thigh, and I heard someone shifting in their seat.

“But most of all I’m thankful for the way life can give you second chances.” I finally looked up, first at Jacob. We had a brotherly bond so deep at one point, people thought we were twins. It got severed through years of feeling like he doubted me. I pulled back, but I felt that bond returning now. Like he was proud of me. “I am grateful for you, Jake.”

“Look at that, my punk brother is growing up,” Jacob joked, and Erin swatted at him.

“And,” I said, turning to Amber, “I’m grateful for the second chance at loving the woman of my dreams. I almost screwed it up entirely—twice. Amber, you are my world, and I’m so thankful you love me.”

“Aw…” This time it was Mona gushing as I leaned down to kiss Amber. The atmosphere of love was thick and tangible.

I looked Amber in the eye as I sucked in a breath and blew it out. “There’s something I would like to ask everyone, and Amber, baby, I hope this is okay.” She looked confused, cocking her head. “We need to know the best way to tell the twins I’m their dad.” I blurted out the truth as my eyes swept over the table, taking in each of their faces. Amber didn’t seem upset at all. She looked relieved, and her hand squeezed my thigh harder.

“Oh dear,” Erin sighed. “That’s a tough one.”

“What do you think is right?” asked Mona. I turned to look at her, and she had a compassionate expression. I’d seen her in action as a mom and knew it was where Amber got her mothering skills from.

“Wow, I have no idea.” I ran a hand through my hair while I gritted my teeth. “This is all going to be a huge learning curve for me. I don’t know anything about raising kids.”

“Those kids are pretty sharp, no matter what Parker’s teachers say about him.” Jacob nodded his head downward once and pursed his lips. “You just come right out and tell them the truth. It’s all you can do. They’ll have to adjust, and they’ll probably ask questions?—”

“But isn’t that how life is anyway?” Erin added. “So sorry, dear.” She blushed and looked at Jacob who patted her hand.

“It is…There isn’t going to be an easy way to spring something like that. You just have to tear off the bandage. They’re resilient; you’ll see.” He picked up his fork and took a hefty bite of mashed potatoes while I turned to look at Amber. I couldn’t read her expression at all; she was stoic. I worried that I might have upset her by asking the question because I’d been worried about that all day.

But she changed the subject and asked about Erin’s recipe for stuffing. Meanwhile I stewed over a new fear I’d just unlocked. What if my own children weren’t really interested in having a father? They’d been fatherless for so long in their life, I was sure they were content without one. Me stepping in and trying to help parent might not seem like a positive thing to them. They might look at Jacob as a father figure I’d be replacing, and that made me worry they’d reject me.

There were so many things that could go wrong if we didn’t handle this correctly, and since Amber had been their primary parent for their entire life so far, I had to let her lead. I tried toreassure myself that it would be alright, but the nagging fear of failure and rejection would whittle away at my nerves until the deed was done.

Which I hoped was sooner rather than later.

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