Page 39 of Silver Fox's Twin Babies

“I just don’t understand why you never told me…Why she never thought to tell me if it was such a struggle.” Anger threatened to rise up, but I swallowed it down the way I had been for days now.

“She chose you over herself.”

“What?” I was shocked by Jacob’s words.

“You were going around bragging about Europe and this big adventure you were going to have. You told everyone you knew at least three times.” Jacob chuckled and shook his head. “I almost believed it was the wrong choice sending you.”

“And she thought I wanted that more than her? More than learning I’d be a father?” Understanding dawned slowly, light creeping into the dark places of my mind that had painted her and Jacob as villains in my story.

“She thought you would be happier. Then she found out it was twins and got afraid. Eventually, we agreed we’d say something when she felt safe, but I learned you were dating someone. Erin let it slip at family dinner. After that Amber refused to say a thing to you. She respected that you had a life she didn’t want to interrupt.” He scratched his head with one hand while he closed his eyes. “She was afraid of your reaction.”

Those words broke me. Until now, I harbored a lot of anger toward her for the secret. My mind still wanted to hold on and stay angry, but the very idea of her being afraid of me for anyreason softened the edges of my emotion. Sandpaper over a fine wood grain being smoothed out by understanding.

“God,” I grunted. It was my turn to rub my face in frustration. I leaned forward and took the paper off the desk, folding it up. Knowing that information settled something in my chest. I now knew how to approach this situation tonight when she came for dinner.

“So go easy on her. Amber’s a great woman. Chester would have been very proud of her.”

“I’d say he would.” I stood up and tucked the paper into my pocket. “So, I guess I’m fired?” This time the joke landed. Jacob chuckled and stood with me.

“From CEO, yes. From R&D? No.” His hand shot out and I accepted it, shaking it firmly.

“Thank you for talking with me. And thank you for taking good care of them.” As I pulled my hand back, Jacob nodded and smiled warmly.

“It was my genuine pleasure. I don’t know if you and Amber are going to work things out, but I know she’s pretty nervous about your reaction. You have every right to be angry, but be gentle.” I didn’t need his kind reminder but I respected it. “What are you going to say to her?”

“We just…We need to talk,” was all I could offer him. I had no way of knowing what words would come out in what order. Amber meant the world to me, despite having hurt me so deeply. Any love worth having was a love worth fighting for. “I’ll talk to you later.”

I grabbed my coat on the way out the door, turning toward the exit. Passing Shelby’s office, I glanced in and noticed her watching me. It seemed the entire office was curious after my vanishing act. But the only opinion that really mattered was still out ahead of me on this lonely road.

At six o’clock, I had to face my demons and pray by some grace of God I’d be able to hold myself together long enough to articulate how I felt. Jacob was right. Amber didn’t deserve a harsh reply from me if she really had done everything to put me first. The fact that she’d been afraid of my reaction saddened me, though. I wasn’t sure how to take it.

The only way to get through this was one step at a time.

Tonight, I was taking the first one.

25

AMBER

Iwalked back and forth, my mind racing. Every step felt like I was getting further from where I needed to be. My palms were sweating, my chest tight, and the pit in my stomach wasn’t getting any smaller. I kept running over everything in my head—what I was going to say, how I was going to say it. But no matter how many times I thought it through, the nerves didn’t let up.

Shelby was sitting on the couch, but her eyes were on me. She wasn’t letting me lose myself in my head. She was waiting for me to stop pacing, waiting for me to just breathe. She’d been with me through everything, and I could feel the weight of her concern even though she didn’t say a word.

Mom had been quiet so far, focused on her knitting, but I knew she was watching me too. Watching and worrying. She always worried.

Finally, Shelby got up from the couch, crossing the room and placing her hands on my shoulders, stopping me mid-step. “Amber, listen to me. You’ve got this. I know you’re scared, but this isn’t just about him. It’s about you too. You’ve been carrying this for so long, and it’s time to put it down.”

I let out a shaky breath, my chest tightening again. “What if he doesn’t get it? What if he can’t forgive me?”

Her hands gripped my shoulders, pulling me back to her. I knew I couldn’t hide from this moment anymore. “He’ll understand, Amber. You’re not the same person you were all those years ago. And neither is he. If he loves you, he’ll find a way. But you have to be honest. You have to let him in.”

I shook my head, but it didn’t feel as defeated as it had before. Shelby was right, of course. But it still didn’t feel real. It felt like the ground was slipping beneath me.

Mom spoke up then, her voice quiet but full of that knowing warmth. “No matter what happens, we’ve got you, Amber. You don’t have to do this alone.”

I felt a tear slip down my cheek before I could stop it. I wiped it away quickly, though it didn’t make me feel any stronger. There was no turning back. I had to go through with this. For me, for Evan, and for the twins.

“Should one of us go with you?” Mom set her knitting down to look up at me with creases on her forehead. “It’s a shocking truth for anyone. What if he’s angry.”

---