Page 33 of Silver Fox's Twin Babies

“I’m not,” he shouted, shaking me. “Grow up!” It was Jacob’s turn to advance on me. “Amber has gone to hell and back trying to be a good mother for those kids. I promised Chester to be like a father to her. That’s what you saw. Erin and Mona know the whole thing—go ask them. Amber didn’t want to disrupt your life in Europe…Then you came back, and you were dating Holly.”

My head was spinning. My chest felt like a balloon blown up to the point of rupturing. I pressed my palm to my forehead and backed farther away. This couldn’t be true. None of it. Amber would have told me.

“Evan, I’m telling you the truth. I kept her secret because it’s what a good friend does…” He turned as I walked past him,but he didn’t reach for me. If he had, I’d have been tempted to slug him. As it was, I felt devastated and appalled that my own brother would keep something like this from me.

“What does a brother do then?” I said, and I stormed out the door, this time leaving it open in my wake.

I didn’t look up at her office as I passed. I didn’t know if she was in there anymore, and I didn’t want to know. If we bumped into each other, she was likely to see a side of me she never wanted to see. I was enraged, furious with the fact that someone so close to me could keep such a dark secret. I had seven-year-old twins? And no one told me.

I kept my head down as I fumed all the way to my car. I left my coat in Jacob’s office. It was freezing out, and the car took forever to warm up. When I started driving, squealing my tires out of the parking lot, I had no clue where I was going. I weaved through traffic faster than I should have, and when I stopped, I was parked near the cemetery entrance, where I used to go to clear my head.

Anger drove me onward, out of the car through the stiff, cold breeze. It was like I didn’t even feel it, like the horrible emotional chasm Jacob’s words had opened up released so much heat into my body through rage, I didn’t feel it as November’s cold snap bit down on my skin.

I walked aimlessly, tormented by the idea that my brother and Amber had hidden such a huge secret from me. I remembered Europe and how those first few months I pined for her. How many times had I tried to reach out only to have so many hurdles with international communication that I’d given up entirely? And to think, that entire time she knew she was having my babies. Jacob could have reached out to me through company means. He did, just not to tell me this secret.

I kicked a tuft of grass hard and almost slipped and fell. My meandering took me right to my father’s grave, where Istood over his headstone, ready to kick it I was so mad. I felt like crying, but I couldn’t. I knew the anger I was feeling was secondary—that deep down what I was feeling was betrayal, that the anger was there to protect me from feeling vulnerable, but I didn’t want to feel anger.

What I wanted was to be preparing for the end of my day, getting my home ready for Amber to come over and have a relaxing dinner. I planned to tell her how much I loved her, to ask her if she thought we had a real chance at something tonight. Then I planned to ask her to open up about the twins’ father. Now I didn’t have to.

Jacob was not a liar, but I still found it hard to believe he was telling me the truth. Though, the idea of him cheating on Erin really did sound absurd. I knew how much Jacob loved his wife. I had come to that conclusion as the most illogical, but only realistic way to explain how Parker and Vera looked like our family, and I bypassed entirely any thought that they could be mine.

All because I trusted her.

It was that trust in my heart shattering into a million pieces that made me drop to my knees over my father’s headstone and sob. The tears came from someplace deep inside my gut that had never been touched so harshly. I cried onto the grave marker, letting all the emotion out. The woman I believed and who held my heart was capable of keeping a secret from me that could cause me this much pain. I didn’t know what to do with that knowledge.

Jacob said she had done it because she cared about me and wanted me to have what I wanted. But how did she know what I wanted? Why hadn’t she at least given me the opportunity to make my own choice about what I wanted?

I sat there until my body was shivering. The cold caught up to me and I knew I had to get back to my car or risk frostbite.

I pushed myself up and used my sleeve to wipe my eyes. No amount of crying or breaking down would fix this problem. The real issue wasn’t that I had twins. It was that I had been lied to—not directly, but by omission. I had long ago warmed to the idea of being a father, especially to those two adorable little kids. They stole my heart the first time we interacted. I just had no idea how to get past her lies to be what I was supposed to be—that was assuming everything Jacob said was the truth.

Time was what I needed—to process my thoughts and fears. To think about this rationally so I didn’t overreact or lash out. Amber had her reasons; that was fine. I wasn’t going to go off the handle with her. I had learned a long time ago to temper my reactions. Today in Jacob’s office was too much. My old ways reared up. I hated that version of me. I knew better.

So as I walked back to my car, I decided I would take a few days to clear my head. I walked slowly, hands in my pockets, shivering with my head hung. I read the headstones as I passed, thinking of how all of these people lived a life like mine, or maybe unlike mine at all. Were they happy or sad? Had their ideas of life and love and relationships been true, or were they as traumatized as I was? Then I noticed a name that stood out: Chester Lawson.

I paused for a second and read the dates on his tombstone. Almost eight years ago he died, leaving Amber a broken mess for me to scoop up and love. And had I ever…She never knew it because I was too caught up in my selfishness to show her then, but I loved her more than life itself. I still did. There just seemed to be no way forward now.

I wondered if Amber was even the woman I fell in love with anymore, or if she had changed. How could she keep such a secret from me?

It hurt just to see her last name. I didn’t think I’d ever feel the same way about her again.

21

AMBER

Seated at my desk, I looked up at movement in my periphery. I watched Evan rush past the window to my office that opened to the hallway. He looked upset. I’d heard the shouting but couldn’t make out what they were saying. I thought about going in there, but Jacob told me he’d handle it. So I sat there, watching first Evan, then Jacob rush out, and my heart sank.

The whole thing was such a mess now. I had so many chances to tell Evan the truth. I didn’t know what he’d think of me now. He walked in on me and Jacob hugging each other. What would he think of that? What had Jacob told him?

My heart was so tired of the ups and downs of anxiety and sadness. I folded my arms on my desk and rested my forehead on them. Then I heard a door down the hallway slam. It startled me, but I didn’t look up until I heard my office doorknob click and open. Then I looked up, half expecting Jacob to be back with an explanation. It was Shelby, though, with her forehead knit in concern.

“What’s going on?” she asked in a hushed tone as she shut the door behind herself. She walked over to my desk and dragged a chair behind her to sit.

“Well, I’m not sure, but it doesn’t appear to be anything good.” I sighed and used both palms to scrub the frustration off my face along with a few tears I’d shed. “I was talking to Jacob and Evan walked right in. Jacob was offering me a comforting hug and?—”

“Oh God. Evan saw you…” Shelby’s hand covered her mouth. Her eyebrows were high but came together in the center.

“Yeah,” I breathed as I leaned back in my seat. I felt like I was living in one of my mother’s soap operas. There seemed to be so much drama swirling around me I expected to be nominated for an Emmy any day now.

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