“Amber, I want to be with you. And I don’t want you to respond to that immediately. I just want you to see that I did that for you because I care. About you, about Parker and Vera.” Evan sounded so sincere it almost made me cry again. “I just want youto see how hard I’ll try to be everything you need. You can rely on me.”

While the hint of possessiveness in his tone sent up a small red flag, the idea that he wanted to be with me made me feel so torn. Jacob was amazing, but he was only a father figure. Meanwhile, I had this equally or even more so amazing man who wanted me—for me. But he felt so far out of reach because I kept pushing him away.

“Have dinner with me. Bring the kids. We’ll have a game night.”

His invitation only added another layer to the lump in my throat. I’d have shot him down instantly, but he just gave the school a lot of money. I felt like I owed him. But his house wasn’t conducive to children at all. The glass tables, expensive artwork…They’d be bored stiff. I wanted to turn him down, but I felt bad.

“Say you will?”

I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that I felt trapped. “Alright. Dinner…But I can’t sleep over again.” My boundaries were slipping away when it came to this man, and it felt like I was helpless to do anything about it. I knew what Jacob thought, but until I spoke with a lawyer about it, there wasn’t even a thought in my head about confessing.

For as kind as Evan was being, I knew the pain of being cut by a double-edged sword. I would protect myself first, and if I felt it was safe, I’d tell him later.

If I could ever wash the guilty stain off my conscience.

14

EVAN

Everything was perfect, but when the bell rang, I did a quick last-minute sweep of the house. Not a single thing was out of place. Amber might be impressed, but it was the twins I hoped loved it most.

I already heard their voices coming through the thick metal of my storm door. I took a deep breath to blow away the tension that had been building in my chest all evening and swung the door open to hear them bantering about something called Pokémon and whether Bulbasaur was better than Jigglypuff. I grinned as I said, “Hey, come on in.” Backing up, I stepped aside for them and greeted Amber with a peck on the cheek.

“Wow, it’s cold out there,” she said, stomping her feet. Her eyes swept over my living room, causing her eyebrows to rise. The children were still going back and forth while I soaked in the reaction from their mother. “Evan,” she breathed as I reached up to help slide her coat off her shoulders.

“That is my name…” I chuckled nervously, waiting for her response.

“Your house…” Amber turned to look up at me with something new in her expression. Her eyes were softer; a tiny smile curled the corner of her lip. “You did this for them?”

“For us,” I said. The moment was perfect if not for the kids’ loud chatting that almost sounded like bickering now. Amber stood in a trancelike state while I hung her coat on a hook and clapped my hands. “Alright, no one gets to play my PlayStation if they’re fighting.” Both kids looked up at me with wide eager eyes.

“You have a PlayStation?” Parker was the first to tune in. He tore his hat off and shoved it into his coat pocket, then unzipped his parka and shed it. “What games?”

“Well,” I said, accepting his coat to hang on a hook. I felt Amber’s eyes tracing my movements, but I avoided focusing on her. This wasn’t just a moment for the two of us. That was the reason I’d invited everyone. I wanted to show them all that I was there for them the way Jacob had been. “I have several…Minecraft, Crash Bandicoot, Lego, Fortnite…” Amber’s eyebrows went up at that one, which made me chuckle. “If your mom lets you play. I think we should eat first.”

Vera shrugged out of her coat but left her hat on and shoved the oversized pink puffer coat in my direction. I hung it up for her as they moved into the house exploring a little.

“What did you do?” Amber hissed. She tugged on my shirt sleeve and made me lean down closer to her. I watched Parker and Vera go straight to the bookshelf that had formerly been where my liquor cabinet sat. I had it loaded down with children’s books and board games. There were also a few puzzles and action figures I had in boxes in one of my spare bedrooms from my own childhood.

“I just made it family friendly. The bachelor pad felt too stodgy and unlived in.” I pulled my arm back, causing her fingersto slide up my forearm until our hands were locked together. “Let’s eat. I ordered spaghetti.”

I pulled her toward the dining area separated from the living room by the kitchen island. “Come on, guys. You’re gonna love this.” My call to the children went unheeded until Amber added her own beckon. I worked at setting the table, then poured whole milk into the glasses, served spaghetti with sauce, and placed a slice of garlic bread onto each plate.

“Evan, this is a lot.” Amber sank onto her chair while the kids scrambled onto seats of their own. They started digging in right away as I sat across from Amber. She looked overwhelmed by this, which wasn’t at all my desire. I had hoped she would feel cared for, not put out or outdone.

“Don’t worry. I’m not spoiling them. The pasta is made from vegetables too. They’re getting a balanced meal.” It was a lot, I knew that. I’d spent more than five thousand dollars this week having my house transformed into a family oasis. My old modern furniture just didn’t feel right for a family home. I ordered new comfortable couches and chairs, a new arrangement of shelves and tables—that weren’t glass. Things to entertain children the twins’ age, and even updated my subscriptions on my smart TV to make sure there were safe things for them to watch.

Amber massaged the bridge of her nose and swallowed hard. When her eyes met mine, I saw gratitude, but she said, “I think you’re trying too hard.” Then a smile started to spread across her face.

“Nothing is too much for you and the kids.” I dug in, taking the first heaping bite. Parker watched me suck the spaghetti noodle up into my mouth and laughed at me. Amber must’ve taught him to cut them the right way, and I was being a bad influence, but he enjoyed it.

“So do you play video games?” Parker asked.

“Are you kidding? I beat Spyro twice already. I love gaming.” Engaging with him on this level made his face light up. It was like I was looking into a mirror too, the tiny features on his face that reminded me of my brother so prominent I felt I didn’t even have to ask the question burning in my heart anymore.

“I play too,” Vera said, whining. I could see the intensity in her eyes and figured the rivalry for attention between these two probably mirrored what Jacob and I went through as kids.

“What do you play?” I chewed carefully as I ate each bite and tried to keep the conversation up and positive. It was like Amber faded into the background for a while as I bonded with her children. Part of me felt bad for doing that, but these kids were so adorable.