Page 92 of A Forgotten Promise

Lily

Why can’t you work?

Celeste

I’m officially a beached whale. I can’t reach my toes.

Cora

Why do you need to reach your toes?

I agree with @Cora. I don’t touch my toes. (laughing emoji)

Lily

You’re beautiful @Celeste.

That’s true.

Celeste

And bored out of my mind.

Cora

Fresh croissants in the morning, anyone?

Celeste

I’ll try to sneak out. (eye-roll emoji)

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

No matter how much I repeat it, it eludes me. I stare at the ceiling, because every time I close my eyes my mind spirals, and it’s not upward.

I don’t trust you.

Why did it hit me so hard? It’s not like I trust him. Do I? There are glimpses in our existence—in this unlikely forced partnership—when I feel like he’s the only person in my court.

My brothers are well-meant but overbearing. My friends always have my back, but they have been busy, and I’m not good at this opening-up spiel.

Somehow, Corm draws the truth and honesty out of me—its ugly face, its vulnerable certainty. It’s like his perception of me is so damaged, I don’t mind pretending.

He does, however, pull the worst out of me as well. I’ve never yelled as much as I have with him. But then, it’s not like I’ve ever spoken up.

‘Keep your head down’ used to be my jam. That was the way to deal with my life. I had fun, of course, but I didn’t think much about what I truly wanted or needed.

Now I have all this free time to think only about that. It’s an all-consuming, dark place to be in.

I don’t trust you.

I don’t trust myself. Lately. Or have I ever? I went from under my father’s thumb to Vito’s care. It was such a lovely change, I never thought twice about actually standing up on my own two feet. For myself.

In the absence of any real direction in my life, I’d welcome having something going well. It could have been my sex life, but even that went south before it even started.

---