I ignore his power-tripping-tendencies comment and their implication on my relationships.
But as soon as I throw the juicy tidbit out there, something inside me dislodges.
Saar was right, keeping that rage inside me only made things worse. Confessing to Declan didn’t lift the level of betrayal, but it still felt good. Like the first step on the road to acceptance.
“Bullshit—” His eyes widen as he connects the dots. “Is that what was in his letter?”
I nod, raising my glass in a mock toast. “I’ve been so mad at him… Well, never mind. You know how I reacted.”
“Is that why you don’t visit Mom? Fuck, who is your father?”
“I don’t care. He was a sperm donor as far as I’m concerned. Dad was my father, even if I’m so fucking angry with him. With both of them.”
“Fuck.”
“You know what is the most pathetic thing? I’m mad at them, not for not telling me sooner, but for telling me at all.”
“I’m sorry. This is fucked up. Why would he do it?”
“I guess after I refused to get tested for MD, he decided to let me know I can’t be a carrier.”
“As I said, you’re just like him. He wanted something, and he forced you to accept it. For your own good, but it still sucks, doesn’t it?” Now it is his turn to raise his glass. “Like father, like son.”
Several of my interactions with Saar flicker through my mind. Fuck, did I make her feel the same way my father’s last deed made me feel?
The situation is different, but the means are very similar. I’ve been manipulating our arrangement, trapping her.
Limiting her choice because I know I’m her best option. Because I want her to realize I’m the only option for her.
That I’m her answer.
I know she can’t trust me because of the other men in her life, but what if that is just an excuse to distance herself from my… well, my bullying?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“I need to go home.” I put my unfinished glass down and snatch my jacket from the back of my chair. “Let me know if there is anything I can do about the Kendra bullshit.”
Of course, the fucking traffic concentrates on all the roads I need to take to get home. I should have used my helicopter.
It takes me a good hour before I reach my house. The lights are on in the dining room. What? We haven’t used that room since Saar turned it into a fucking burger joint.
I rush inside, not even sure what I’m trying to achieve. Like if I’m beside her faster, she can forget how I’ve been treating her?
After dropping my keys and wallet on the console table, I cross the foyer and pause at the entrance to my living room.
My furniture is back. The room is put together like it was before Saar moved in. A blanket of panic cloaks me.
Is she gone? Did she leave the house in its previous condition? Like a good tenant?
I want to call her name, but fuck, I’m scared. What if I call her name and there is no answer?
I rush to check on the dining room, because in some fucked-up logic I hope it’s still a diner, and that would prove that… I don’t fucking know what.
I glimpse a new flower arrangement in the foyer. Not my statue. Is that her farewell gift?
When I spy my fucking Italian table, my heart sinks. But then my eyes land on its corner. It’s set for two, with flowers and a candlestick and two place settings.
A new painting hangs on the wall that actually fits here really well. New items adorn the buffet table. It’s my old dining room, but with new touches. Saar’s touches.