Page 15 of All of Me

“He read to me. He didn’t mind because apart from brief periods, nights were all about watching people sleep. I was in my own room because they assumed the noise on the ward wouldn’t help.” He chuckled to himself. “Best three nights’ sleep I ever got.”

“I’m not a kid,” Shae spat out.

“I know,” I agreed. Fuck, did I ever. “Thing is, I’m going to read because I’m wide awake. You’re awake and prepared to lie there suffering because you don’t think it’s cool to have someone read out loud a goddam book they’re gonna read anyway.” I picked up his book. “Let’s face it. I’ll probably be crap at this so you might just go to sleep because you’re bored as fuck.”

Which seemed to relax him, and he nodded cautiously, trying not to wince at the movement. I didn’t make any fuss, just started at chapter one. By the beginning of chapter three he had his eyes shut. By chapter four he was definitely asleep.

I stopped reading and closed the book. Watched him sleep. I wasn’t exactly comfortable perched on the end of the pull-out, but I didn’t move.

I sighed and questioned all my life choices. There’d been a few lovers. One woman until I’d worked out that being gay was who I was and not simply convenience after I joined up. Not that I thought being gay was this unsurmountable obstacle now. There were enough people in the Florida team that proved that wrong, and look at Danny and Kane. They were so ridiculously happy I was going to need a full row of fillings.

I kept my gaze on Shae. I’d guess a therapist would make a lot of him being attracted to me. Nothing so crass as daddy issues, maybe more savior ones. Not that I was anyone’s hero, but I could understand how that might get all mixed up in his head.

I just didn’t know what to do about it. My disappearing had been a huge mistake that had nearly killed him. Maybe… An idea popped into my head that was insane. But it took hold. Shaewas currently his own worst enemy. His lack of confidence. His body betraying him. Health issues no young guy wanted to face, especially as the only upside to his scar usually meant he was stronger and fitter. But he didn’t even have that.

What if I was the answer? Temporary, of course, because as soon as he got well, both physically and mentally, he’d wake up to being with an old man and realize our relationship was a mistake. I knew that would happen and I needed to plan for it. But until that day, I could look after him. Make sure he got what he needed. Grew stronger.

Would it kill me when he eventually walked away? Yes, absolutely.

But was it the right thing to do?

Yes.

I just needed to go into this knowing it was all for Shae. I glanced at him again. People fell asleep. People moved in their sleep. I put the book down and crawled closer. Shae never moved, but it was still a long time until I closed my eyes.

Chapter Seven

Shae.

I didn’t remember the last time I slept this well. Even with the nightmare, I’d crashed after Drake had started reading, and I was surprised I’d stayed asleep. I turned my head, knowing the warm breaths against my cheek weren’t just my imagination, and studied Drake for a few minutes. He lay on his back with his face turned toward me. His dark brown hair was still cut military short, even if it had a couple of silver streaks trying to take hold. I knew when open, his eyes were a dark green that looked almost black when he was angry. He had a scar that started at his ear and moved down his throat until it ended at his collar. Not that I didn’t have my own scar of course, but I was desperate to hear the story behind this one.

And he was strong. So strong. I’d barely been aware when he’d carried me out of that prison. Stayed with me. Every single night in the hospital. And then I’d gone and ruined it by trying to kiss him.

Then he’d run. He thought he was too old for me, and I got that. I really did. But what he didn’t understand was that I wanted the thirty years or so of happiness he could bring with such ferocity I’d do anything. No one knew what the future held. People died all the time. I could have fallen in love with a twenty-year-old and something could have happened to him the next day. There was nothing guaranteed. I just didn’t know how to convince him of that.

Fallen in love?

It sounded so sappy. Made me pathetic, I supposed. But I knew how I felt. I just couldn’t ever make the mistake of letting Drake know or he’d be gone again.

I inched nearer the edge. At least the pull-out had two sides and if I was careful, I could get out. It wasn’t like I had to climb over him or anything. If I stayed in bed, he’d panic when he woke and realized he’d fallen asleep instead of going back to his own bed.

I had one foot almost on the floor when Drake grunted in his sleep and rolled over. I froze because his leg was now touching mine. His arm flung across my waist.Fuck.This was like something out of one of Gran’s books. My heart started pounding, and I decided I had two choices. Either get my ass out quickly and then he wouldn’t know we’d been touching, or continue trying to ease my way out and have him wake, and then it would be a whole thing.

I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay here with Drake. Have a chance with him. Look after the dogs. Chase Dolly out of the flower beds and dream that this was my life every day.

So, I moved. Put a little speed into it so I was at the bathroom door before he’d have the chance to notice if he woke. I paused, but there was nothing. Smiling, I went to get dressed.

Some of the dogs barked as I entered the barn, but not many, and that was sad. It was almost like their joy had been silenced.Apart from the puppies, there were another eight dogs, and I put the ones that looked the quietest in together while I cleaned out their pens and opened the doors that led to their small yard area. Four of them—two I had no clue what breed they were but they could pass as black labs I guessed, and two that were some sort of small, scruffy mutts—paired up and I left them to play with each other while I saw to the rest of them. It left a hairy but thin kind of hound, quite tall, another that looked like a dachshund, and two that seemed to have some American Pitbull in them. Those two definitely still had all their parts attached, so I wasn’t risking them together. I’d seen the large box in the corner of the room, and the note.New dog beds.

So, I took that as an instruction and distributed them. The two pits were the most amusing because for the big, tough boys they had been trying to convince me they were, they both gleefully rolled around in their new beds to get comfy, then demanded belly scratches to make their morning complete.

And the puppies.

I was sitting on the floor with all four of them climbing over me when Moira came in. She smiled softly. “The big boy’s found a forever home,” she said and gestured to the hound, who wagged his tail like a helicopter when he saw her. She let herself into his pen and fussed over him. I saw her reach into the pocket of her pants and give him a treat. He went to lie down on his bed and crunched happily. She beamed at the new beds. “They got delivered this morning. They should have proper beds already and I don’t know where they went. Our UPS driver will have put them in here so they didn’t get wet. Mackie, the UPS driver’s a sweetheart.”

I’d put each new bed on the frame it came in so it was slightly off the floor. Good in case any of the dogs weren’t house-trained. Although, even though the pens had been a mess last night, none of the dogs except the puppies had peed overnight, which waswhat the straw was for. I imagined the state they were in last time was down to that prick who should have been caring for them. He was probably responsible for throwing the beds out.

“I was wondering what your plans were?”

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