Page 18 of The Scattered Bones

Kaid wouldn’t meet my gaze as I mimicked every thrust of his dagger with my own. We stood side by side, movement flowing in a dangerous dance beneath the moon’s light, yet his eyes never sought mine. Smiles didn’t curve his lips, and his voice had turned darker. It was always filled with danger, but the new tone was colder, the affection he saved for me absent. He’d been training me for weeks, joining me on the nights his god didn’t demand his skills. He taught me to steal and fight. He taught me to be a friend, but tonight was different. The Kaid I’d grown irrevocably attached to had vanished, leaving a shadow of the thief in his place.

“That’s all for tonight,” Kaid said, his tone bled of all warmth, and despite the night’s heat, gooseflesh pricked my skin.

“Would you like to do something else?” I was angry at my voice for wavering. Always so free with his words, this quiet stranger before me chilled my spirit. He’d taken to training me with the blade, but our lessons were stilted. We couldn’t spar for fear of being discovered, for fear of touching, so we stood side by side, violent movements forming a dance. I lived for these moments, where my world learned parts of his, where my body experienced what he felt. I hadn’t seen him for a week, so when he climbed through my window, my spirit soared, only to crash against his demeanor. My friend had disappeared, and an intimidating thief had assumed his place. For the first time, I was afraid of Kaid. Not because he would harm me, but because my heart sensed the shift. I was terrified of how I’d grown to love him, and that gave him the power to break me.

“No… I should leave. It’s late,” he answered without meeting my gaze. It wasn’t late. He had only just arrived.

“Is…?” I was scared to ask. I didn’t want his words to confirm the truth hanging thick between us. If he remained silent, I could clench my eyes and pretend this was a nightmare.

“Is everything all right?” My whisper was barely audible.

“Yes.” His answer was too swift as he started for the roof’s edge. “I should go.”

“Kaid.” I despised the desperation on my tongue. “Don’t…”Don’t lie to me. Don’t hide from me. Don’t leave me.

“Sellah.” My name sounded like an apology as a tortured war fought in his expression. “I… I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“Can’t do what?”

“Sellah, please.”

“Can’t do what?” I repeated. My mother had abandoned me ten cycles ago, and I’d let her walk out of my life without so much as a word of protest. I wouldn’t let him leave without a fight. He was all I had; all I would ever have as my twenty-first birthday crept closer.

“I…” He turned and strode across the roof, pausing at the edge before whirling on me so fast, I stumbled backward. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit here and wait for you to leave me. Every time I look at you, I see the end of the greatest thing in my life. You’re my best friend, my confidant, my heart. I love you, Sellah.

My emotion swelled at his confession. Kaid loved me, but my voice caught in my throat, threatening to choke me.

“Every night I spend with you, I love you more,” he continued. “I’m filled with broken and jagged edges, but your softness and warmth fit perfectly between those sharp pieces. You make me whole. You’re what my life was missing, and the longer I stay at your side, the more I love you. Varas may be the god I’ve pledged to, but you’re who I want to swear my future to. You’re the altar I pray at, the deity I worship, and I would sacrifice my life for you, but you don’t belong to me. You never have, and you never will. You’ve belonged to Hreinasta since birth, and I can’t watch the person I treasure most in this world lose herself to a selfish goddess.”

“Kaid!” My voice pitched at his blasphemy.

“I don’t care,” he growled. “Gods be damned, but I do not care. May they strike me down, because my heart belongs to you, and I cannot stand by and idly watch your life be stolen. You didn’t choose this. If you’d been of age when you swore the oath or if you’d sent me away when we first met, I could respect that, but you were born to appease your father’s guilt. You were sacrificed before you understood what this meant, and in a few months, your soul will vanish. You’ll sleep for decades, and I’ll have to watch Hreinasta parade around in the body of the woman I love. I can’t sit here and witness that happen. It’s too painful.”

“I was chosen as a child,” I whispered with a weakness that disgusted me. “It’s how it must be.”

“Exactly,” Kaid spat. “You were a child, a soul unable to choose for itself, and a predator came along to snatch you up.”

“Kaid!”

“It’s the truth and you know it. Stealing beautiful children to inhabit and forcing their own souls to vanish is predatory.”

“Hreinasta is the Pure One,” I argued, afraid the heavens would open and strike him dead for his venom. “Our sacrifice is to keep her sacred.”

“She’s a selfish and cruel goddess,” Kaid bit back, all rage and conviction. “The other gods came to the realm in their true forms. They subjected themselves to mankind’s ways and lead by example. Valka leads his men into battle. Sato plants the fields alongside her harvesters, the sun blistering her skin as it does theirs. Varas steals just as we do. He saved me from death with his own hands.” He gestured cruelly to his lips. “Elskere lives together as husband and wife as an illustration of a loving and faithful marriage. Each god fights and sweats and toils among their people except for Hreinasta. If she truly wanted her acolytes to remain pure, she would be here in this temple, leading by example. She would resist temptation first so that her priestesses could follow in her footsteps, but no. She hides in the gods’ realm so that she doesn’t have to practice her own doctrine. Purity is facing temptation and remaining holy, not enslaving young girls to hide behind.”

“You shouldn’t say that.” Tears bathed my cheeks.

“It’s the truth.” Kindness disappeared from his features, and I saw the terror every other person he encountered must face. “She’s selfish, coercing others so she doesn’t have to resist herself. And even if I could ignore that, I cannot overlook that this wasn’t your decision. You were forced into this life. You only believe it’s your destiny because they gave you no other choice. If you had joined the temple at eighteen, fully aware of the path ahead of you, it would be different, but when you were ten cycles old, did you understand Hreinasta would shove your consciousness away? Did you know you would cease to exist?”

“No.” The confession felt dangerous.

“If you knew then what you do now, would you have accepted this fate?”

“Don’t make me answer that.”

“Sellah.” His voice was tortured. “If you’d known, would you have chosen this life? Is Hreinasta the goddess you would have pledged to?”

“Yes.” The lie escaped out of habit, and his features fell like crumbling rubble.

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