Page 51 of Beyond Oblivion

“Testify,” Raegan said, waving one arm high above her.

Wes had no issue with being challenged to be his best self. He didn’t feel criticized or nagged; he saw Raegan’s encouragement as belief in him, not an annoyance. He respected her for recognizing his potential. Wes understood what Raegan had been through with both Brazil and Kody, so from the very start, he was transparent and patient, knowing that when loved the right way, Raegan was nothing short of wife material. Their marriage was admired by everyone around them, with Wes’s friends constantly reminding him how lucky he was. Wes brought Raegan happiness, and it showed—she radiated confidence and joy. People couldn’t help but notice, and that admiration naturally reflected on Wes as a man.

Sure, Wes had been quite the player on and off Wrigley Field, but he knew what he had when he met Raegan. When she shared with him the story about Kody, she repeated her new favorite mantra,my future husband would never. Wes never forgot it. He knew she’d walked away from men she loved not just once, but twice, and he made sure he didn’t put himself in the position to lose her.

“What’s that look on your face?” Raegan asked, mirroring my smile.

“I’m just happy for you, Ray. Look at us. We once begged to be treated right, and somehow, we both ended up with a man who would rather cut off his own arm than make us cry.”

Her smile grew wider. “So,” she glanced at the menu, “what’s new? Have I missed anything?”

“Other than our stalker, nothing, really. Life has been pretty mundane, which is exactly how I like it.” I couldn’t mention the mess with Thomas and Travis, so there was no point in adding it to the average.

“How’s your mom?”

“Also good. Did Wesley get that promotion?”

She made a face. “Wes. He did, which is perfect timing. He talks about baseball all the time, but to watch him do it on television is going to be so weird. I’m so happy for him, though! It’s not unlike when he played. It’s a dream job, getting paid for doing what he already loves to do—not that he’d turn down that kind of money even if it wasn’t.”

I frowned, confused. “Perfect timing for what?”

The waitress brought us waters and silverware rolled in white cloth napkins. “Good afternoon, ladies! Have you been here before?”

We both shook our heads no.

She went into a spiel she’d said a hundred times before, going over their most popular appetizers, their signature drinks, and then waited for us to choose. “The red blend sounds amazing. I’ll go with that.”

She looked to Raegan, who didn’t take her eyes off me.

“I’ll just stick with water, thank you. Oh,” she finally looked up at her, “and go ahead and bring us the burrata plate, please.”

“You got it,” she said. “I’ll leave the menus in case you’d like to add to it.”

“Thanks.” I watched her leave, then narrowed my eyes at Raegan. “Perfect timing, and you don’t order wine?”

Her eyes immediately filled with tears. “That’s why I came home. I couldn’t just tell you over the phone.”

“You’re pregnant?”

She nodded, a tear escaping from one eye and falling down her cheek.

“Why are you crying? That’s amazing news!” I exclaimed, standing.

She stood, too, and we squeezed each other tight. “I just… I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said quietly. “You’ve been trying so hard, and…”

I leaned back. “Ray…” I shook my head. “This is exciting! There’s nothing hurtful about it! I’m so happy for you!”

“I know,” she said, using her sleeve to wipe her cheek and dab her nose. “I know you are, but still…”

I hugged her again. “Don’t you dare feel anything but absolute joy. Do you hear me?”

She nodded.

I was. I was so incredibly happy for her, but she knew as well as I did that every time someone close to me announced a pregnancy, there was an unavoidable pang deep in my heart. I wanted to make that announcement; I wanted my friends to be able to tell me they were expecting without worrying how it would make me feel. And then the anxiety and the overthinking about my expressions, worried the genuine smile I felt would seem forced. Was I trying too hard? I was, but I didn’t know how not to. It was a necessary-unnecessary act, and it never got easier. Too many conflicting emotions, all at once, each time, and Raegan of all people knew exactly what I was feeling in that moment. We’d talked about it too many times to count.

Of all the conversations we’d had, Raegan wasn’t the one announcing a pregnancy. She’d reassure me the soon-to-be-mom’s joy wouldn’t be affected. And there she was, her beautiful eyes glossed over, because it hurt her to hurt me. Neither of us wanted me to feel that way, and it was ninety-nine percent happy and one percent longing. But it was one interaction I could never get quite right, and that only added to the never-ending shame of infertility.

“Don’t overthink it,” she said as we both returned to our seats.

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