Page 2 of Beyond Oblivion

Her eyes filled with tears again. “But… what if it doesn’t?”

I crossed my arms and shifted my weight from one leg to the other, frowning. Most people might think a guy who looked like me would seem intimidating, but my wife knew better than to think I would be angry in that moment. “You… you think it’s time to start thinking about that? Like… adoption?”

She shook her head, then passed me to sit on the edge of the bed. Only the lamps were on, casting her shadow onto the hardwood floor.

“We bought this house four years ago. We’ve got two guest rooms. They’re supposed to be cluttered with toys and have a faint scent of dirty diapers. The reality is,” she sighed, then turned to look at me, “we can’t afford adoption any more than we can IVF.”

I sat next to her. “It varies, Cami. Look at Hazel’s family; they adopted a baker’s dozen or so.”

“Her dad is an electrical engineer. We don’t make his annual salary between the two of us.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s time to look into a loan?”

She cupped my face, hitting me with that look—the one she reserved for when I’d just said something sweet but also completely stupid. “If we borrow for IVF, there’s no guarantee I’ll get pregnant. If we borrow for adoption, we’re bringing home a baby and a mountain of debt.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes. Hell, I’ll get a second job.”

She smiled, soft but sad. “I know you would, and I love you for it. But you’d be working yourself to death, and I’d be home with a baby while you’re barely around. You already work crazy hours.”

“What about fostering? The state covers most of it. Hazel was a foster kid—she could give us the rundown.”

Camille started picking at her fingers, her signature stress move. “Maybe. I just... I don’t think I’m ready for that conversation yet. I’m not ready to give up. Where are you at?”

“I’m wherever you are,” I said, and I meant it.

She grinned, nudging my shoulder with hers as she rubbed my hand. “Can you even imagine us walking into an adoption agency? Both of us covered in tattoos? You’ve got ink up to your jawline now.”

I snorted. “Yeah, but just from the waist up, babe. Keeping it classy.”

“Oh. Right. Not the legs.”

My face twisted like I’d just tasted sour milk. “Hell no, not the legs.” Then I smiled and turned my arm over. “I kept a spot open,” I said, pointing to my right forearm. “Right here.”

She traced her fingers over the empty space, and her voice softened. “I want you to be able to fill it with our baby’s name so,sobad. I wish I could just get pregnant like everyone else.”

I kissed her forehead. “You heard the doc. It’s not just us. Sometimes, the universe just deals a shit hand. But hey,” I paused until she looked up at me. “We’re not at the end of the road yet. Not even close.”

She grinned, her big blue eyes catching the light. “Next time?”

“Next time.”

She stood, heading to her side of the bed, pulling back the covers. I crawled in next to her, switched off the lamps, and pulled her close. For a split second, I thought about how perfect it would be if our anniversary sex magically turned into a surprise pregnancy. The ultimate plot twist, right? But as much as I wanted it, we were both completely drained—mentally, emotionally, physically.

Still, something gnawed at me. I couldn’t shake it. “Cami?” I whispered.

“Yeah?”

“When you asked me what if it doesn’t happen, were you really asking if I’ll still love you?”

She paused longer than I expected. “No, I know you’ll love me.”

“Then… were you asking if I’ll still want to be with you?”

This time, her voice was barely a whisper. “Yeah.”

I hugged her to me and sighed. When I spoke, I said the words slowly. “There is nothing more I want in this life than you. The perfect combination of you and me running around in toddler size would be… it would be fucking fantastic. But without you…? You’re the absolute love of my life. I couldn’t be happy about anything unless you were there to share it with me.”

She hugged my arm to her again. “Thank you.” She took a deep breath and let it out, relieved. “The guilt is suffocating sometimes.”

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