Page 18 of Savage Scream

I nod, and Travis nods too. “Good. You and I have really fucked up his life, hey?”

I nod again, feeling the guilt gnawing at me.

“You like him?”

I shrug, shifting my gaze out the window, feeling awkward to be talking about this sort of stuff with my little brother. It would probably feel normal if we had finished growing up together.

“I think he has it bad for you. When I didn’t know it was you that he had on his radar, I found it funny that he was so twisted in knots about this chick that pissed him off, but also turned him on…” Travis scrunches his face up in a cringe and shakes his head before correcting himself. “I mean, interested him.”

I silently giggle at Travis’ awkward attempt to brush over the part about me turning Jared on.

I have to admit, if Tillie was talking about Travis, I certainly don’t want the intimate details.

Just… no.

We fall silent then, Travis standing in the middle of my small bedroom looking down at me as I stare back up at him. Pain slices through my heart at the time we lost together. Time and connection we may never have again.

Glancing down at my phone, I construct my message and then take a deep breath before holding it up to him.

‘I’m sorry for taking your mum away from you. But I’m not sorry for saving you, Travis. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, because you are all that matters.’

Travis chews the inside of his cheek as he finishes reading over my words and quickly shoots his gaze out my window as his eyes glass over.

I stand, getting in his line of sight and sign the words.

I’m sorry.

His lip trembles and his nostrils flare as he tries to fight his emotions, but then big tears spill over, running down his cheeks as he reaches out and tugs me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me.

I cry too then, knowing this is the moment right here that I’ve dreamed of for so long. The moment he forgives me for the bad things in order to keep him safe.

“I’ve started remembering.” He rasps quietly into my hair. “The way she used to grab my hair in a fist and drag me around the house, shoving me to the floor and then pushing my head all the way down with her foot.”

A sob escapes me at the detail of his memory, because I remember it too.

“I remember the day she made me lick the kitchen floor clean after we brought home that stray dog covered in mud that we found in the park on the way home from school.”

My sobs come louder as anger flares alive in my veins.

“I remember you looking after me the next day in the bushes at the back of our yard when I was vomiting, and how you snuck into the house three times to get me more clean clothes and a blanket.” Travis sobs then. “I got sick because of what she made me do, didn’t I?”

I nod, a guttural cry slipping from my lips as my knees nearly give out on me. Travis holds me up, though. This time, he’s the one trying to protect me.

“I’m really fucking angry, Ell.” He admits, pulling back to look down at me as he brushes my hair back off my face and I swipe at the tears that won’t seem to stop. “I’m angry at myself for still loving that cunt bitch after everything she did to us.”

Reaching up, I cup Travis’ face and shake my head as I mouth‘she was your mum.’

He scoffs and bats at his tears before puffing out his chest.

“She didn’t deserve to be a mother, and she sure as shit didn’t deserve our dad. I’m fucking sorry she took him from you too, Ell. She fucking took everything from us.”

I nod, trying to hold back on the raging emotions thumping at my invisible walls, trying to break free.

Not yet.

Just wait.

“I know you’re here thinking you’re going to save me, big sis, but I need you to let me save you this time. You need to leave. Like tomorrow. Just go. When things settle down, I’ll find you. I promise.”

---