Page 64 of Beautiful Losers

‘The doctor said he was on benzodiazepines,’ I continue. ‘Did Leonard seem anxious to you?’

‘No. But I’d be surprised if he wasn’t unscathed by the past couple of years. Everyone’s damaged in some way. You do what you can to get through it.’

‘Are you? Damaged?’

‘Less so lately,’ he says, squeezing me tighter.

I trace his chest with my finger.

‘Did I tell you the owners have found a buyer for this place?’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. It means I’ll be in Dublin by the end of the year.’

‘How do you feel about that?’

‘I mean, business is slowly picking up – I had another booking there yesterday – but then we’re heading into low season and I’ll be forced to dip into our savings again. It’s good they’ve found someone to take over this place. It makes sense, Ari and me going back to Ireland.’

‘That’s not what I asked,’ Jack says.

I prop myself up on the pillow and rest my chin in my palm, staring down at him. With my other hand, I thread my fingers through his, my thumb lightly running over the cracked skin.

‘Nervous habit,’ he says, looking embarrassed. ‘I’ve been doing it since Dad got sick.’

I lift his thumb and kiss it. He looks at me, grateful. I want to kiss this hand forever.

‘I want to know everything about you,’ I say.

He laughs. ‘What do you want to know?’

‘What did you want to be when you were five?’

‘Taller.’

‘What scares you?’

‘Unchecked AI. Irish women throwing eggs.’

He shoots me a sly smile. Squirming, I hide my head in my heads.

‘The Dress,’ I say. ‘Was it white and gold or blue and black?’

‘White and gold, obviously.’

‘The correct answer is blue and black, but we’ll agree to disagree. Did you vote for Brexit?’

‘No. But I understand the people who did.’

‘Does Logan Sacks really have a seventeen-year-old’s rectum?’

‘He didn’t show me, if that’s what you’re asking. And were I able to verify his claim I’d be in jail. Can I kiss you now?’

‘One more question.’

He regards me dubiously. ‘Think carefully, Murphy. This is your final one.’

I tap my finger on my lips, remembering the condom in his wallet.

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