Page 7 of With You

Locking eyes with Julian, I let his brown depths soothe and comfort me as I try to swallow past the lump of emotion lodged in my throat.

Filled with love and adoration, I focus on the man in front of me, and prepare to proudly profess my love for him.

“Julian,” I say on an exhale. “Julian. Julian. Julian.”

His mouth ticks up in a smirk, and all the knots of tension and anxiety loosen instantly.

I’ve got this.

“I love you,” I say simply. “It’s funny how easy those words are to say now. In fact, they almost never feel enough. I can remember when those words first left my mouth…” My voice trails off as I remember those hours in that hotel room, the tears, the sweat, the sex—the love between us and just how life changing those three words became.

“I hadn’t really felt love before you,” I continue. “Not in that all-consuming way.”

Pulling my hands away from his, I raise them to his cheeks, cupping his jaw. “And you consume me, Julian. My whole world is you, and there isn’t a single thing about that I want to change.”

I catch the tear that falls from his lashes with my thumb, and talk directly to him.

From my heart to his.

JULIAN

“Falling in love with you…” Deacon shakes his head. “I never saw it coming. I never sawyoucoming. But there you were, so open and honest and vulnerable, all the things that were so foreign to me; all the reasons that made me want to stay. In your orbit, in your life. Once I had you by my side, there was nowhere else in this world I wanted to be.”

Needing to touch him, I place my hands over his as he continues. “You’re patient and kind and protective. Protective of me.” His cheeks turn a shade of red as he admits, “And I never thought myself worthy of protecting.”

Staring at one another, we both sit with his revelation, no doubt both of us back at his parents’ place, reliving a pivotal moment in our relationship.

“On paper we are nothing more than roadblock after roadblock after roadblock. But in reality?” I watch a smile filled with confidence and adoration stretch across his face, despite his unshed tears. “In reality, loving you is living.”

My chest tightens as I let those words soak into my skin and settle in my bones. Life had been so bleak and hopeless before him, and without even trying, he brightened up my days and shined light on my future.

“And I want to do both—love you and live with you,” he says with certainty. “Your love has healed me, Julian. And I want to spend the rest of my life saying thank you.”

On instinct I shake my head and mouth the word “no” because we both know there is nothing to thank me for. Unperturbed by my outburst, Deacon just nods and holds me tighter.

“Yes,” he insists. “I want to love you, the way you deserve, till my dying breath. Every minute of every hour, of every day, I promise to make you feel my love.”

Gently releasing our hands, Deacon steps back and glances at Wade, who, right on cue, holds out my ring, a brushed white gold band that Deacon and I chose together, his engagement ring now sitting on my right hand.

Butterflies swarm my stomach as I hold out my left hand to him. For five and a half years we have lived and built a life together, like we’re already married. And yet the idea of being tied to him in one more way, has my blood pumping and my heart racing.

It feels like the sun rising on a brand new day, anticipating what’s to come and what our life will be. What it’ll be like to wake up forty years from now, beside him, still needing him, still wanting him, still loving him.

“Julian,” Deacon says, rerouting my focus back to him. “When I fell in love with you, I was gifted a world where shame and heartache don’t exist. I found a world where being myself is more than enough.”

My gaze falls to his throat, watching the way it bobs as he searches for whatever words he wants to say next.

“I love you, Julian Reid.” His voice is laced with conviction and emotion as he slides the ring down my finger. “I promise to love you when it’s quiet and love you when it’s loud. I promiseto love you in the light and in the dark. When you need me and even when you don’t.”

“There isn’t a world or a lifetime where I won’t need you,” I interject, not caring about the order or the formalities or anything else but making today about him and my love for him.

“I guess I’ll love you in every world and every lifetime, then, huh?”

He brings my hand up to his lips, kissing my newly adorned finger, his gaze never leaving mine. “It’s you and me. Always.”

I can feel everything around us slipping away as we both get lost in the moment, as I get lost in his declarations. And I momentarily wonder why we didn’t just do this without an audience, where I didn’t have to wait to say how I felt, where I could reassure him that loving him has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Where I could kiss him and touch him, showing him all the ways just how perfect he is.

When Wade taps me on the shoulder, I realize I missed his introduction to say my vows.

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