Page 17 of With You

Instead, Deacon grabs my sticky hand and brings my fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean. “I want you in my mouth,” I say on a whim. “It’s the only part of me that can move right now, and I want to suck on your cock the same way you’re sucking on my fingers.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Deacon says with a chuckle. “Let me get right on that.”

As he maneuvers himself over me, I shift my body up to meet him at the right angle. His legs straddle my upper body as he leans forward to place his hands on the headboard.

“This sight will never get old.”

I reach for him, but he swats my hand away. “I thought you were too tired to move. Hands by your side, baby. Lie still and let me fuck your mouth.”

DEACON

“Hey.”

My eyes fly open at the familiar voice, just in time to catch my friend and coworker, Jesse, kick my feet off a stool in our lunchroom

“You have a home, you know,” he says dryly. “With a bed and maybe even a husband and a baby.”

“Ha.Ha. Very funny,” I say dryly. “I can nap on my lunch break.”

“You could nap at home,” he reiterates, putting his hands on his hips. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to go home. You’re not needed here.”

It’s partially true. Duquette’s Drives has grown exponentially over the years, into something completely unexpected. When I’d set my sights on working with cars, I’d anticipated doing it for the rest of my life, my body carrying the physical load way past its expiry date.

But Wade and I somehow managed to stumble on the gift that keeps on giving—running a successful garage, and expanding and owning another three more. These days we work less with our hands and more with our heads, dabbling in the occasional restoration work, when the right project comes up.

As we’ve both started families, it’s the perfect situation to be in—spending more time doing the things we enjoy and spending less time hustling to chase our tails. So, I understand why Jesse is questioning my presence. But some days I just can’t leave this place alone.

The smell of oil and gasoline calms me in a way I can’t explain. The routine and the familiarity grounding me, especially when I have something on my mind.

And I definitely have something on my mind.

“So,” Jesse drawls. “Why are you here?”

Sighing, I lower my legs and sit upright, running a hand over my tired face. “Can I ask you something?”

A crease forms on Jesse’s forehead as he pulls up a chair beside me. “Is everything okay?”

It isn’t every day I ask my friends for advice, but it also isn’t every day I feel so off-kilter. There’s nothing wrong, per se, but my thoughts have been straying to my mother a lot, and that hasn’t happened in years. It makes me antsy and uncertain, but ever since we had Reese, she’s always there at the back of my mind.

“Everything is more than okay,” I answer truthfully. “Just always surprised by how much having kids changes a person.”

Jesse blows out a long breath of air. “You think you know, but it’s like suddenly there’s two versions of you, before them and after them.”

While Jesse and his husband Leo lost their baby girl, they’re also parents to an amazing sixteen-year-old, Raine. So, if there’s anyone who is more than qualified to walk me through my thoughts, it’s him.

“I keep thinking about my mom,” I confess. “I look at Reese and I think of my mother, and I just wonder if she felt all the same things when she had me.”

Glancing down at my feet, I purposely avoid meeting Jesse’s gaze. Even though it’s my choice to open this can of worms, vulnerability is not something I enjoy feeling. It’s half the reason I haven’t spoken to Julian or Wade, because they know me too well, and it wouldn’t just be a conversation taken at face value. It would be an inquisition where they’d both manage to crack my chest open to see what’s inside, and I’m not ready to go there yet.

“It’s stupid,” I say quickly. “Don’t even worry about it.”

Before I have the chance to stand up and walk away, Jesse’s hand lands on my shoulder. “If you want to talk to your mother, talk to her.”

And that’s the crux of it. I don’t really know if I want to talk to her or if the birth of my daughter is making me feel nostalgic for something that more than likely never existed.

When the silence lingers between us, Jesse makes the whole thing even more complicated by asking, “Have you spoken about this with Julian?”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to bother him with it.”

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