Page 28 of What We Broke

What I don’t say is I crave the normalcy. Yes, life has moved on, but it feels like it has moved on around me and not with me.

I bounce my gaze between the three men. “You have all been there for me this last year. In ways that go above and beyond. At the very least I can handle hearing about your plans.”

They don’t seem convinced, but Julian at least nods in understanding and then hands Deacon a set of plates. “Help me set the table.” He looks back at me. “We’ve got plenty of time to catch up.”

Despite a rocky start, Julian and Deacon offer limited details about their surrogacy plans but enough that I don’t feel like they’re purposefully keeping their happiness away from me.

“And how are Raine and Zara?” Deacon asks. “Was everything okay after Zara called the garage today?”

“Oh, yeah,” I reply. “They just forgot about an orthodontist appointment Raine had. She ended up sleeping at Zara’s house instead of coming to mine after school like usual.”

“Man, I know it’s not really the same, but I grew up with divorced parents, and the way you and Zara make that work has me wishing you were my parents,” Wade says.

I laugh because it isn’t the first time we’ve been praised for our co-parenting. “I suppose it helps that romantic feelings have never been involved,” I tell them. “And Zara and I were lucky enough to come from wholesome supportive families. They were firm about their expectations if we kept the baby, but they were equally supportive. We wanted to replicate that, and we were able to set the standard for our parenting very early. By the time we introduced anyone to Raine, they kind of had to fit in the fold or it wouldn’t work.”

“That feels like a tall order for any potential partners,” Wade says. “I bet Leo felt like he was on the chopping block when he was about to meet Raine.”

My mouth tilts up in a smile thinking about Leo and how adamant he was that I should not introduce him to Raine. “I think he was more scared he would get attached to Raine.”

“I don’t even have to ask if he got attached,” Julian says. “I’ve seen them together.”

My chest constricts at his words and my nose stings unexpectedly. I miss seeing them together. I miss the ease in which our family functioned, and even though I want to believe we will be able to pull ourselves out of this pit of despair, I’m sick of waiting for it to happen.

Every day feels like we’re sinking further, and I’m certain at some point we’re just going to be buried in it and getting ourselves out will no longer be an option.

Before I get the chance to wallow, my phone rings, the trill sound turning my body into stone.

My eyes find Deacon’s and he’s staring at me knowingly. I concentrate on my breathing as I slide the cell out of my pocket, but when I see Gio’s name on the screen, my whole body wars with itself, unable to answer.

Deacon reaches over the table and pulls the phone out of my hand, answering it. These calls always have to do with Leo, and I don’t know if I can handle one more pick up from our local bar.

I try to focus on his facial features, hoping to decipher the urgency of the call, and when Deacon’s face falls, my arms and hands move on autopilot and snatch the cell out of his grasp.

“Gio,” I say into the phone.“Where’s Leo?”

“We’re at the police station.”

My brain scrambles, trying to land on any one reason they would be at the police station and I come up empty. “What do you mean you’re at the police station?”

“He got arrested for drunk driving.”

Gio’s voice is as hollow as I feel.

When the fuck will this shit end?

“Gio,” I breathe out, my whole heart in that one breath.

“I know, Jesse. I know.”

When I can’t find the words to continue the conversation, he adds, “I’ll text you the address.”

We both hang up, and I give myself a few extra seconds before I look up at the concerned men.

Swallowing hard, I clear my throat trying to rid myself of the golf-ball-sized lump that’s just sitting there. “I’ve got to go.”

I scoot my chair backward and rise. “Thank you for dinner.”

Three sets of eyes just stare at me, and I have to turn away to avoid their pitying looks. I’m so fucking over it.

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