Page 93 of What We Broke

Deacon leans in for a hug and I take in a lungful of air as I hug him back. It feels like a brand new day.

The four of us hug and cry and say all our thank yous and goodbyes, and soon enough it’s just Leo and me following Raine into Lola’s room.

“Okay,” she says, standing in front of the closed door. “You both have to close your eyes. Dad, hold Pa’s hand and follow us in. Don’t open your eyes until I say so.”

She guides Leo in and I keep my hold on him and follow. I smell the paint and feel the freshness in the air even before I open my eyes.

My heart beats frantically inside my chest, knowing that a fresh coat of paint isn’t going to take all our pain away, but we are a family that’s healing, and healing also means honoring and remembering.

“Okay,” Raine says. “Open your eyes.”

I don’t.

I keep them closed for a little while longer, hearing Leo’s gasp for air followed by his praise for Raine.

“This is so perfect.” A wet laugh leaves his mouth. “Gosh, how many more tears are there?”

“But they’re happy ones, right?” Raine asks.

He must nod because silence falls across the room.

“Dad.” Raine’s voice is close, almost a whisper. “You can open your eyes now.”

She slips her hand in mine, just as I feel Leo stand behind me. Opening my eyes, I feel the tears fall before my eyes can truly see what’s in front of me.

“Let me give you both a tour,” she says, standing between Leo and me, holding both our hands.

The room is painted in the original custard yellow color that Raine had picked the first time around, and she and Julian must’ve decided to keep the chest of drawers that sits beautifully against the back wall. It feels complete but not barren.

“I wrote on each wall in my own handwriting,” Raine explains. “I hope you don’t mind.”

My eyes catch the first bundle of lines.

I told Pa and Dad I was leaving Seattle for college.

My fingers run over the black ink. “What’s this?”

“They’re just things I want to tell her.” She points at another few lines and reads them out.

“I haven’t told them yet that I got early admission into UCLA and I’m moving to Los Angeles.”

“Raine,” Leo scolds. “You’re going to give your father a heart attack tonight.”

She is. Thankfully, I’m too engrossed in her little wall of confessions to deal with it right now.

“So, what? You just wrote all your secrets on the wall?” I ask her.

“Yes and no,” she replies. “I wrote down all the things I’ve been meaning to tell her. Just because she’s not here doesn’t mean I can’t talk to her and share my life with her. She’s my sister.”

She drags Leo and me to the wall on the opposite side of the room. “These are a little bit different. Maybe a bit too sad for you and Pa.”

I love that she is protective of our feelings, but I read the wall anyway.

Missed you today.

Wondered what color your hair would be.

I swipe at my tears. “This is a beautiful idea, babe.”

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