Page 91 of What We Broke

“Okay.” Raine impatiently bounces on the balls of her feet. “Let’s go. Let’s go.”

“Okay,” I manage to say with a chuckle, Raine’s enthusiasm is the levity both Leo and I need. “Go get my credit card out of my wallet and buy us some paint.”

* * *

Dr. Sosa had stressedthe importance of coming up with a plan before asking someone else to pack up and paint Lola’s room. The idea was to find people you respect and trust to do the emotional labor for you, without also impacting their own emotional state.

I hadn’t thought of asking Deacon, but when I’d shared with him what we were discussing in therapy, he offered that he and Julian could help us take that difficult step. Once that offer was on the table, Leo and I found it difficult to refuse.

With that, we explained to Julian and Deacon that everything in Lola’s room was brand new. The excitement of a new baby had us buying things like crazy, which meant the untouched room was currently a small baby boutique on steroids.

It’s hard knowing Julian is in there, let alone imagining him packing up all of her things. But the room is nothing but heavy heartache, and Lola deserved to be remembered with love and tenderness.

“Are you okay?” I ask Leo as I chop up a salad, just to give my hands something to do.

He’s sitting on the kitchen counter. “It’s such a weird feeling to want to help him but also accept that I can’t do it.”

“That’s therapy, baby.”

His sad chuckle mirrors my own.

“I know we’re doing the right thing,” I assure him. “For her memory and for ours.”

“I hate that Zara isn’t here,” he muses.

I do too, but Zara recently sat us down for an extremely tough conversation, where she gently reminded us that she wasn’t Lola’s mother the same way she is Raine’s. So asking for her permission or inclusion on things to do with Lola’s belongings and her memories was appreciated but not necessary.

Truth be told, I know my best friend well enough to know that now that Leo and I were in a good place, she was trying to absolve our responsibility to her and her own grief.

But family doesn’t work that way.

Ourfamily doesn’t work that way.

“I know Raine will take pictures for her anyway,” I tell him.

“We’re back,” Raine calls out, interrupting us.

“Speak of the devil.” Leo hops off the counter. “Hey, Rain-e girl. What you got?”

I look up at Deacon from my mess of vegetables. “How was it?”

“Perfectly fine,” he answers with a smile. “Is Julian in the room?”

Leo and I nod as he points at Raine. “Come in whenever you’re ready. I’ll start taping the walls and floor.”

Deacon heads over to Lola’s room to join Julian while Raine sorts through a whole bunch of paraphernalia that has nothing to do with paint.

“Did you buy all of Walmart?” I ask her.

“Did you know you need to tape the walls when you paint?”

“Good deflection,” I say.

She lifts her shoulders to her ears and smiles. “You’ll miss me when I’m in a different state for college.”

“No shame,” I hear Leo murmur. “Girl has no shame.”

* * *

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