Page 8 of Unwanted

While Rhys and I walk around the gym, I notice he starts to retreat into his own head, more than likely questioning if this is something he can commit to. Living sober isn’t an easy decision to make, and it’s one almost all recovering addicts fail at, at one point. But he’s here for now and I hope he knows that’s all that matters.

After he finally chooses his classes and promises to see me next week, I spend another two hours on the equipment, not thinking about anything else but how hard I can run and how much I can lift. Purposefully, I’ve overworked myself enough that tomorrow I’ll be physically useless, but for tonight, my body and mind are exhausted enough to maybe fall asleep when I get into bed.

The gym is open twenty-four hours a day, so I sign myself out and say bye to the night crew.

A bittersweet feeling washes over me when I unlock the front door and the house is dark and empty. Despite visiting hours being well and truly over, I know both Clem and Remy are camping out at the hospital for as long as they can.

I know I should be there. I want to be there. Especially for Lennox. But I’m not built for a crisis. I am not the guy who can hold it all together, especially now that I know Frankie is already there.

I haven’t seen him since he said goodbye and dropped me off at rehab with promises he would be there when I got out.

But he wasn’t.

And no matter how hard I’ve tried, and through all the things I’ve achieved and made right in my life since, I haven’t been able to forgive him for that.

I haven’t been able to forgive him for walking away when I needed him most.

After a long, hot shower, I slide between the cool sheets and let the silence and exhaustion lull me to sleep.

I don’t know how long my eyes have been closed for when I feel a familiar waif-like body curl itself around me. A thin arm circles my chest and I place my forearm on top out of habit.

“How is he?” I ask groggily.

When Clem’s response is nothing but the feel of her body shaking against mine, I reach for my cell on my nightstand, turn on the flashlight, and turn to face her.

She looks exhausted, her porcelain skin now sickly pale and blotchy, her blue eyes red rimmed and full of exhaustion.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, shifting my body and resting on my forearm. “Is Lennox okay?”

She nods, but still the tears tumble down her face and no words come out of her mouth. “Clem,” I say sternly, worry ratcheting up in my chest. “What is it?”

Unable to meet my gaze, she covers her face with her hands and cries harder, and that’s when it hits me.

Exhaling, I collapse back onto my pillow and rest my hands on my bare chest. “You’re not crying for Lennox right now, are you?”

“I’m so sorry,” she mumbles. “I just didn’t realize how much I missed him. And I’ve spent so long giving him so much shit and attitude, which he took. Took it all.” She hiccups. “But seeing him in the flesh?”

She cries harder now, and I throw the blankets off my body hastily and climb out of bed, needing to be anywhere but here.

“I’m going for a run,” I announce, because I can’t listen to her talk about Frankie. But Clem tugs at my arm and I pull it back in frustration. “Don’t.”

She jumps on my back, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck, her face pressed against my nape.

“Arlo, please don’t go. I’m sorry.” I can feel her tears on my skin, and I hate myself, because I know now those were caused by me. “I just… There’s so much going on right now.”

Exhaling loudly, I sit back down on the bed, defeated, and peel her body off mine. “You do not need to apologize to me for a single thing.” I scrub a hand down my face, trying to rationalize my feelings, and turn to look over my shoulder at her. “My issues with Frankie are not yours. And missing him is understandable.”

God knows when I let myself think about him, I miss him with a ferocity that is strong enough to maim me. Some days the ache consumes me; swallowing me whole and ruthlessly spitting me back out again.

Reminding me of the useless and unworthy piece of shit I was.

Reminding me that I was probably the reason he left and never came back.

Clem rises up on her knees, wiping the tears off her face with the back of her hands. “But I don’t want to make it harder for you.”

I reach for her, pulling her to me and enveloping her delicate body with mine. “And I don’t want you to hide your feelings from me.” I kiss the top of her head. “This isn’t the time to worry about what did or didn’t happen between Frankie and me. The important thing right now is Lennox. That’s why he’s here. And when Lennox is back on his feet, everything will go back to normal.”

I knew they weren’t the words she wanted to hear, because in Clem’s perfect world, Frankie would move back home and the five of us would be happy, living together, the way we promised one another all those years ago.

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