Page 42 of Unwanted

He doesn’t gloat or thank me for listening to him when I climb in and I don’t offer anymore conversation as he drives in the direction of my temporary home.

With the windows down, cool air fluttering against my skin, the night is quiet and neither of us feels it imperative to interrupt the silence.

When he swings into the driveway, I find I’m not as eager as I initially thought to get away from him. The seconds pass, my body inhaling as his exhales.

It’s on the tip of my tongue to invite him inside, but Arlo shakes his head, answering my unspoken question.

“Maybe another time,” he says.

Still not used to Arlo’s rejection, I try to keep my expression as indifferent as possible. Stepping out of the car, I try to play it cool, hiding my feelings.

I close the car door, leaning into the open window, surprised to see that despite Arlo’s determination to keep distance between us he looks as sad and conflicted as I feel.

“Thank you for the lift, and for everything with Lennox,” I add, because I mean it. It’s been sporadic and unexpected, but even in the smallest of ways Arlo has been there when I needed him most.

“He’s my brother, just as much as he is yours,” he says. “You know that.”

“I do.” And I did. I knew that Lennox, Clem, and Remy were all his family, as much as they were mine. That he hurt for them as much as I did and that their happiness weighed on him as much as it did on me.

While it felt like the romantic bond between us had been bent and beaten beyond repair, the familial connection between us all tied Arlo and me together, no matter what.

“I don’t know what I thought it would be like coming back. In fact, I don’t think I ever thought of coming back,” I confess to Arlo. I watch the ugly truth land as he averts his eyes and his throat bobs up and down, but I continue anyway. “I may have underestimated how hard it would be for us to see one another after all this time, but I want you to know I’m well aware of how much of a sacrifice this is for you. And the fact that Lennox’s health and well-being is a priority for you, at the expense of your own feelings, means the world to me.”

His eyes find mine, conflicted and hurt, and I can tell I’ve stirred up a whole lot more than I intended to. “I know at one point it didn’t seem like it, but he is...” Arlo’s eyes turn glassy. “You all are the most important people in my life.”

The words are like a salve to the rejection I’ve felt from him, over and over tonight. To know that, even amongst the heartache, some things haven’t completely changed.

Respecting Arlo’s boundaries, and knowing there’s nothing more to be said without delving into prohibited territory, I nod in appreciation and understanding. The world isn’t black and white, and neither is this situation.

Pushing off the car, I expect to say our goodbyes when Arlo surprises me. “If you need me to drive you to the hospital tomorrow, or pick Lennox up and bring him home, I can rearrange my day to do so.”

It was the little things like this that had me scolding my impatience and insistence on pushing Arlo’s buttons earlier. Did the past matter so much when we were here helping Lennox together?

I consider his offer and then chuckle to myself. “Between Samuel and now Rhys I don’t think Lennox is going to need either of us from here on out.”

My observation brings some levity to the conversation and the edges of Arlo’s mouth tip up in a smile. “That was something, wasn’t it?” he muses. “Lennox and Samuel have been friends for a while, so I’m used to the way they are around each other. But Rhys?” He chuckles. “I’ve never seen him so relaxed and sure of himself. Granted, I haven’t known him for that long, but we’re often so consumed by our recovery we don’t let ourselves enjoy things. So it was nice to see him fit in.”

I don’t miss the pride for his friend, or the way he indirectly, yet casually, refers to himself as a recovering addict. I know that’s what he is, but it’s nice to hear the truth without the tinge of negativity, the self-loathing, or the heartache.

“Well, once I realized you and he weren’t together, I too quite enjoyed watching Lennox and Samuel’s interactions with him.”

Arlo smiles at me. A true, honest, warm smile. “Jealous?”

I shrug, faking all of my nonchalance. “Not really.”

His smile widens. “Well, for what it’s worth, I always liked it when you got jealous.”

“Is that so?”

Arlo winks as he puts the car in reverse. “Not really.”

14

ARLO

It had been a while since I’d been to a meeting, but it had been a week since Lennox was released from the hospital and a week of being in Frankie’s presence, and it was official, I was in knots about him and I didn’t want to be.

I needed perspective.

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