Page 59 of Unforgettable

“Anything,” I say a little too quickly.

“No more sex.”

I almost trip over my own feet. “I’m sorry, did you say no more sex?”

“Yeah,” he replies, his tone now a lot more serious. “No more fake boyfriend touching when your family isn’t around.”

I know the reason, but I ask the question anyway. “But why?”

He shakes his head. “Just trust me on this.”

Every part of me wants to argue with him, but something tells me it would be futile, and I don’t want to scare him away or jeopardize what we have and agreed to. The wedding is only a few weeks away anyway. And if I’m being honest, it’s probably better to detox and prove to ourselves that we still have control over our arrangement and our feelings. Prove that we can flip the switch from boyfriends to friends with no problem.

But as I agree, and we finally tumble into Reeve’s apartment, lips locked, clothes on the floor, and bodies begging for release, I yield—I don’t have control over one single thing.

Especially not over how quickly I’m falling for him.

* * *

Between work and wedding preparations with my family, the weeks are flying. Lying on the couch, flicking through the suggested list of shows on Netflix, it feels like I haven’t been home alone in a while. And after having Reeve stay over that last time, I really just feel lonely. And it isn’t a feeling I’m familiar with.

Before meeting him, I was comfortable in my own skin. In my own head. In my own space.

Now, I want him in all of those places.

And more than anything, I want him in my bed.

I want to fuck him into exhaustion every night, and I want to watch him wake up, all loose and limber for me in the morning.

I want to say I’m surprised by my increasing attachment to him, but, deep down, I knew from the first night.

I felt the pull. I felt the attraction. And now that I’ve acted on all those things, I’m just basking in the comfort and the absolute pleasure of being around him.

It’s the simple way in which we spend time together that has my body in a constant state of hyper-awareness. And even though physical touch has now been taken off the table, my heart and pulse still manage to beat a frantic rhythm when he’s around.

It’s both scary and addictive, how much I want him and how far I’ll go to be around him.

I keep trying to tell myself I need to guard myself before this thing between us becomes bigger and more complicated than either of us can handle, but every part of me knows it’s too late.

I want to dial it down and try to keep it casual, for the sake of boundaries, but is there really a point when we’re pretending in front of my family every other day?

Does it matter when I don’t even need to be around him to think about him? Or that I don’t need to be touching him to want him?

Needing to occupy my thoughts with something other than Reeve, and having no luck finding something I want to stream, I grab my phone off the coffee table and tap on the Instagram icon.

I check my notifications. Likes, comments, follows. And then I go through the crazy number of direct messages I’ve let accumulate.

Without even meaning to, the sheer amount of interaction I have on my account makes me think of Reeve and how impressed he was when I first showed him M and M. He’s forever asking me about it, discussing ideas with me, begging me to take him on an “official Meals and Melodies tour”.

It all seems a little excessive, but the truth is, having a person I know and care about show interest in something—even though I’ve denied it for so long—that actually means a great deal to me, changes things.

Being able to talk about it with Reeve has made it feel more real. More tangible. Now, when I read through these messages I’ve received, I realize, maybe I can manifest this into an actual occupation. Something that will fill me with pride and rid me of that insecurity that comes with seeing myself as unsuccessful.

I know it’s not a traditional career, or one that my parents may even understand, but in this day and age, technology and social media can be used for absolutely anything. With the vegetarian food industry growing exponentially, I get requests to review up-and-coming small businesses all the time. Partnering up with food trucks, food festivals, online catering, and cafes, just to name a few, is just the tip of the iceberg.

Add things like being a brand ambassador, having sponsored social media posts, assisting with events, and helping with food branding, there’s no reason, if I put my mind to it, why this couldn’t actually work.

It could be something amazing. Something I would finally be able to share with my family.

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