Page 55 of Without You

“I’m not interested,” he says matter-of-factly. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

Because as much as it fucks with my head, I need to see you with a woman so I can stop thinking about the impossible. “Weren’t you just saying earlier you wanted to get your dick wet?”

He runs his hands over his face and lets out a loud groan. “Can you please let it go, Julian? I said I’m not interested.”

Both too mentally and emotionally exhausted to get into it with him, I raise my hands up in surrender. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m letting it go.”

“So, you ready to leave? I’m buzzed and I need some fucking food.”

Nodding, I say, “I could eat.”

“Perfect.”

I tilt my chin up to our friends for the evening. “Let’s say goodbye to these guys first, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Between the six of us there are some handshakes, cheek kisses, and one arm hugs. Pete suggests that we should catch up again for some drinks and more pool, and I explain to him that I can meet them here any time. I reiterate that my roster is usually filled with night time, weekday shifts, and that I’m almost always free every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.

We exchange numbers, and a little bit of the giddiness I felt earlier from being out and around people returns.Maybe the night wasn’t a complete bust.

I catch sight of Keri and Deacon exchanging goodbyes from the corner of my eye. Keri stands up, her body wobbly and intoxicated, while Deacon grips her elbow, ensuring she remains still. She rises on the tips of her toes and whispers in his ear, he leans forward to meet her, and it surprises me when he kisses her forehead.

It’s not adoration or flirtatious. It’s gratitude, and friendship, something that has strangely formed in a very short amount of time, and it’s making me stupid angry, because in this moment I know I need to see him with someone else tonight. I need to see him with a woman so I can confirm whatever I’m feeling is just old residue of the emotions that come with sharing such important experiences with another person.

I need whatever I’m feeling to not be real, I want it to not be real. I want it to be one of those things death makes up—like when you see something that isn’t there or feel things that aren’t true, just to fill up the empty holes tragedy leaves behind.

But this isn’t that… and the rush of relief flooding my veins, knowing Deacon’s not going home with her, tells me otherwise.

Deacon looks over his shoulder and spots me watching him. He angles his head toward the door and I finish off my conversation with Peter.

Finally, I walk away from the group of people, and head toward the exit in silence. Checking my cell, I flinch at how late it is.

“Fuck, I didn’t realize the time.”

“You got somewhere to be?” Deacon smarts. “Or are you going to turn into a pumpkin?”

“Ha. Ha,” I say sarcastically. “I didn’t realize you were so funny.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“Are you still down for pizza?” I ask. “The pizza place next door?”

“Perfect.”

As soon as we step into the eatery, I realize it’s the last place I want to be. The smell of cooked food is strong, and the bright lights and copious amounts of drunk and loud people are making me feel very off balance.

Unknowingly, I sway, and I feel Deacon’s large hand tightly grip my wrist. “Hey, lightweight. Why don’t we get you home instead?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” I repeat, tugging myself out of his hold.

He straightens his spine and takes a better look at our surroundings. “There.” He points across the room. “Why don’t you sit on that chair and I’ll order us some food, and we can grab it to go.”

Expecting us to walk in opposite directions, I’m shocked when I feel his hand on my lower back, and see him using his big frame to push people out of our way.

Thankfully the table is still free when we reach it. As soon as my ass hits the seat, I drop my head in my hands, willing the dizziness to go away.Fuck, this went downhill quickly.

“Here drink this.” Not even realizing he’d left, a bottle of water appears in front of me. “I’m going to get us some pizza. Anything in particular?”

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