Page 25 of Devilry

“No.” I chuckle, bringing the beer bottle to my mouth. “I don’t think I ever want to reminisce about Nicolas Cage.”

“What have you been doing since you got here?”

“I’ve just been busy.” It shouldn’t bother me that Harper is pointing out how boring my life has been since I arrived. If I’m not at school, I’m doing school things, and apart from her and Miles, I’m not really doing anything to make this place feel like my home.

For some reason it eats at me more than I expect. I was excited to come here, but most days I just feel off-balance.

“I thought you wanted this job.”

“I did.” Harper eyes me curiously, and I quickly correct myself. “I do, but I wasn't exactly running from anything when I left home. It's a lot harder to detach when you have no reason to.”

“But that also means you didn't have much to keep you there, either.”

I'd never really thought of it that way, but the more I mull it over, the more I realize maybe Harper is right. While I’m missing everyone at home, and the ease of my old life, there wasn't anything that stopped me from making this life-changing decision. I didn't have anyone to answer to, to beg me to stay, to make me want to stay.

“I was sure you had a guy back in Chicago.”

“I had many guys in Chicago.” I wink and she shakes her head at me. “You were right before. I didn’t have anyone keeping me there.”

“Really?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“You just look so put together.” My face must look confused because she tries to simplify what she’s saying. “You know? Stable. Long-term.”

“I'm flattered. I think. But I've never been in a long-term relationship.”

“Scared of commitment?” she guesses.

“Hardly. I've just never been with anyone who’s made me want to change the different guy every other day routine.”

“That many, huh?”

“Maybe?” She stares at me pointedly and I begin to feel defensive over my choices. “What can I say, I enjoy sex.” I shrug shamelessly. “I’ve slept with one guy for a long period of time, if that counts.”

“But you weren’t together?”

Shaking my head and take another swig of my drink. “We were exclusive in the bedroom. Outside of those four walls we lived very separate lives.”

Harper stares at me while mindlessly running her finger across her lips. “So, it was like friends with benefits?”

I contemplate her question and try to answer it without sounding like a douche. “Without the friends part. We were physically compatibleonly, and it was enough for me to settle for only him in my bed when I wanted him.”

“And how did it end? He wanted more?” she speculates.

“Not from me, he just wanted more in general. So, I let him go.”

“How long did that go on for?”

“Six or seven months?”

Her eyes widen, horrified. “There is no way I could sleep with the same person for that long and have it remain platonic.”

“Without sounding like a pretentious asshole, I have a checklist of things I want in a guy before I pursue more sex.”

“Oh, I know that list.” She steeples her hands together and leans forward on her elbows. “It’s the ‘elusive’ list.”

“What?” I question, frowning.

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