Page 30 of Devilry

Side by side, we sit in the narrow chairs, bodies facing one another. Just as Aiden did, he sweeps the hair out of my face, but the annoyance I felt before is replaced with an unexpected moment of intimacy.

Please touch me.

His eyes bore into mine, making it impossible to look away. “Anyone ever tell you you’re fucking beautiful?”

My tongue lodges itself to the roof of my mouth, unable to respond to his adoration. He’s older and experienced, in all the ways I’ll never be, and hearing words he’s probably said to countless other men before me hits me harder than it should. The way he’s staring at me, and his unfiltered confession, make me realize how starved I am for attention. Not just his. Anybody’s. And I hate that.

“I know it’s completely unprofessional to lay it out there like that,” he continues. “But it’s the elephant in the room, and I want you—scrap that. Ineedyou to know, you’re one of the smartest students I’ve come across in a long time. It would be a fucking waste for you to turn this opportunity down because of me.”

Looking away from him, I keep my eyes trained on an inanimate object ahead. Under his gaze, nothing comes out right, and since he’s being honest, I want to be too. “I didn’t mean to imply that you would abuse your power like that. The issue is mine; I don’t like feeling out of control.”

“And I make you feel that way?”

A humorless laugh leaves my mouth. “Among other things.”

“Is that right?” he drawls seductively.

Giving in to the urge to look back at him, I catch him watching me intently. “I’m not usually this forward.”

“Forward?” he scoffs. “This is like pulling teeth.”

A soft chuckle leaves my mouth, cutting through the tension that’s been building since the moment we met. “I meant being attracted to you. I’ve always been able to hide how I feel about someone, but whenever I see you, I know it’s written all over my face.”

“When you say hide,” he probes, “do you mean your attraction to men?” The tone of his voice is now low and soft, erring on the side of caution. “Between the looks and the guy, I just assumed…”

Jittery and nervous, I shoot out of my seat and begin pacing. “I don’t flaunt my sexuality.” I stop when I realize how it sounds. “I don’t mean it in an ‘I’m still in the closet’ type of way, either. I’m definitely only attracted to men. And if someone feels the need to ask, I don’t have any issues telling them.”

“But…”

“But I prefer when nobody asks.”

“Because you don’t want anyone to know.”

Less of a question and more of a statement, his observation makes me feel like shit, and automatically I go on the defensive.

“Because it isn’t their business.” Confusion is written all over his face, and I don’t know if it’s because of the forceful way my words come out, or if it’s what I’m saying. I try to simplify it. “It’s something I like to keep to myself.”

“So, let me get this right. If you don’t feel something for someone, you don’t have to tell anyone you’re gay, right? That’s a fine line you’re treading over there, Elijah.”

The accusation and disappointment in his voice causes an unwelcome tightnessin my chest. Even though he’s got it all wrong, my insecurities are still triggered by his assumptions of me.

“I don’t need your judgement, Cole,” I spit out. “I get plenty of that from more people than you can imagine.”

“Elijah.” He reaches for me apologetically.

“Don’t.” I take a step back and shove my hands in my back pockets. “You said your piece. You promised professionalism, and against my better judgement, I’ll do the research project. Are we done here?”

“I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was judging your choices,” he explains, ignoring my question. “I say this with complete objectivity, it never ends well.”

Picking up my bag, I keep my eyes trained on his, so he knows none of this is up for discussion. “It’s a good thing there’s nothing to end then.”

* * *

A knockon the door pulls me out of my reading, and I consider pretending to be asleep and not responding. When it happens again, I call out, “Come in.”

Callie’s head appears and I’m surprised it isn’t Aiden. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“I got here not long ago,” she responds. “Hoping the three of us can do something tonight.”

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