Page 113 of Devilry

Happy Birthday.

Elijah.

With blurred vision, I look up at my mother. “He’s something else, isn’t he?”

She doesn’t respond, but the small smile on her face says it all.

I run my fingers through my hair, knowing this is the moment of truth. I need to tell her about us. I need to tell her, so she can tell me I’m not crazy. She can attest that he’s worth it.

“He’s my student, Mom,” I blurt out.

Without a word, she turns off the gas to the stove. Putting down the plastic spatula, she shuffles around the breakfast bar and takes a seat beside me. “You think I didn’t notice that he looked a decent amount younger than you?”

It’s the exact approach she took with me when I finally told my family I was gay.

“What?” she’d said. “You didn’t think I’d notice that my son never once looked at his sister’s friends when they came over?”

Meghann’s friends would shamelessly flirt with me, until I gave her permission to let them down gently. It was embarrassing for all of us.

Grateful for a mother who knows exactly when it is she’s needed, I don’t waste any more time filling the blanks of my story in.

“I can’t walk away from him, Mom.” My voice trembles from the thought alone. “I thought I could, and I tried. I swear to you, I tried to do the right thing.”

“Honey, there’s no right or wrong thing when it comes to who we love.”

There’s that word again.

“I haven’t told him I love him,” I tell her. “I don’t think I realized I did till this weekend.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? A sign from the gods?” she jokes. Slipping her hand into mine, she uncurls my fingers, and raises my open palm to my chest. “Things worth fighting for are never easy, Cole.”

“I think I’m going to leave my job at King,” I tell her, my body surprisingly feeling lighter the second the words leave my mouth. “There are plenty of other jobs I can apply for.”

“You worked hard for that position, Cole. Endless flights back and forth, bending to their will. Are you sure you want to give it up?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t feel like I’m giving anything up, Mom.” Putting my hands on her shoulders, I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. “I went there hoping to gain the experience of a lifetime. Something that no other job, school, or place could give me.”

Mom is smiling at me. It’s wide and contagious, her teeth on display, the apples of her cheeks a joyful shade of red. I don’t realize I’m doing it too, until she finishes my train of thought for me.

“And that’s exactly what it gave you.”

24

Elijah

Cole couldn’t keep his hands off me. Not in an ‘I want to fuck you right here, right now’ type of way, but in a way that let me know that in any given moment he was thinking about me, wanted to be close to me, couldn’t get enough of me.

I didn’t know if it was because we were at his mom’s house, or if it was because we had the freedom to be a couple, or what had come over him exactly. All I knew was I would be devastated when we got back to reality and all this would have to disappear.

It’s one thing to touch and feel the person you’re with in the privacy of your own homes, but when there were other people around, that tipped my emotions over the edge.

After living with my parents and feeling like I would never get to live and be my normal self, touching with an audience gives me a thrill I can’t describe. It’s liberating. It’s reaffirming. And with Cole and his family, it feels like I’m home.

We spent the day lazing around, feasting on birthday cake. Now, we’re all sitting around the coffee table playing poker. Well, they’re playing poker, I’m too busy sifting my hands through the strands of hair at the base of Cole’s neck; in too deep with all the physical contact.

I have never felt more relaxed, more understood, and more at peace with myself and my choices than I have this weekend.

“Ha. I win!” Megs shouts out excitedly. She and Trey came back over some time this afternoon, but tonight they’re sleeping over, so they can drive us to the airport in the morning. They’re a wonderful couple. In fact, they’re all some of the best people I’ve ever met. Especially Geena. With her quick wit and warm heart, she had me like putty in her hands the second she hugged me. I’ll miss her the most.

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