Page 78 of Rectify

“Okay, so what’s the sad part?” she asks, pushing the conversation along.

“We broke up.”

Jagger, interjects, “Because of me.”

Scrunching up her face, she gives him an unimpressed look. “What did you do?”

“I made her feel shitty about it, when I really knew nothing about the situation. It was none of my business and I get that now.” He talks directly to me “I’m always going to be careful about who comes into our lives. Dakota is a priority and I’m never going to put her in danger.”

The word ‘again,’ sits on the tip of his tongue, and I nod in silent understanding.

“Dakota, can you come outside with me for a minute?” It’s more of a request from Claire than a question. “I want your mum and dad to talk on their own.”

They get up and leave the room, and Jagger rises. Pacing while he gathers his thoughts.

“Seeing him brought up so much of my own stuff, and I fucking saw red. I let loose and I should never have done that.” He shoves his hands in his jean pockets and keeps walking back and forth the length of the room. “I know better than anyone that people change, and how important second chances are. But it all went to the wayside that night.”

“Sometimes I want so badly to blame someone else for what happened that night, and this was one of those moments.”

Sitting on the beanbag closest to me, he leans on his forearms and huddles next to me. “You’re my best friend, you always have been. You’ve given me so much, done so much, and I’ll never ever be able to repay you. For any of it. But if Jay is what you want, then I can’t be the thing that stops you.” He scratches at his five o clock shadow. “I should’ve never been a factor in your decision, because, my happiness is not worth more than yours.”

I hunch over, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my chin on my crossed forearms. The endless amount of tears I’ve cried over the last few weeks, pale in significance to the river that flows down my face at Jagger’s understanding.

“If you want to be with him, then be with him.”

“He’s going back to Melbourne.” My sobs slow down to hiccups, the words coming out clearer. “He’s lived there for the last seven years. His daughter was born there; his business is down there. He can’t just up and leave.”

“Trust me when I say this. Give him the option, Sasha. Don’t assume. Don’t make the decision for him.”

“What if it’s too late?” I worry.

“He loves you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he told me.”

* * *

Dakota and Holly both lie on my bed while I pack a bag for my trip down to Melbourne. After a few secretive exchanges with Max, I’ve decided to go down for a weekend, surprise Jay, and tell him I love him.

If it goes badly, I’ll come back home straight away, knowing I tried. Max promises it will be worth it, but I don’t want to have any expectations. That way there’s less disappointment.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay without me for the weekend?”

They both roll their eyes and huff loudly at me.

“Honestly,” Holly says. “I need a break from your mopey arse face. So, don’t come back any quicker than you have to.”

“And you’re supposed to be my best friend?”

“It’swhyI’m your best friend.”

“Dakota, honey.” I zip my bag closed, and place it next to my handbag near the door. “You’re going to call me if you need anything, right?”

“When don’t I?”

“I’m just checking.”

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