Page 72 of Rectify

“That shit nearly killed my daughter. I lost whole chunks of my life for those pieces of shit.”

Jagger seems lost in his own world, drowning in his own demons as he attacks Jay for anything he can pinpoint on him.

Ignoring Jagger, Jay walks up to me and grabs my hand. “Please talk to me.”

I shake out of his grip, the new revelations making everything I thought I knew a hazy blur.

“Don't do this, Sasha,” he pleads. “We were so close to coming out the other side of this shit.”

“I can't just forget what's been said tonight.”

“Why not? It doesn't change anything.”

“It changes everything, Jay.” I bury my face in my hands, because it hurts to look at him. “How do I know you didn’t set him up to get the raw end of the stick with George because you fucking hated him, huh? How do I know it wasn’t all a game to you?”

Jay lifts his arms, and places them behind his head. His chest rises and falls, and his face is beautifully broken. He stares at me with such desolation, it breaks my heart.

I want to run to him, I want to turn back the clock to me and him in the restaurant, or in bed, or sneaking kisses at work. Anything else but us sharing space under this black cloud of doubt and deceit.

“I can’t believe I let myself come back here again with you.” He pulls on the ends of his hair. “It’s literally history repeating itself, but this time it hurts so much more.” He presses his fist to his lip, regaining his composure. “This time you finally acknowledged what we had, you felt it, you lived it, and it’s still not enough for you to come out from under their shadows.”

He points to Jagger. “He doesn’t care about your happiness. He’s still too busy trying to come to terms with the mistakes in his life, and you’re letting him take you for the ride.”

He walks away, and then comes right back. “I was going to move back for you.”

“Jay,” I cry, not even sure of what I want to say.

“I was going to move my daughter here, and ask to meet yours, and maybe, just maybe, finally get what I thought we both deserved, but I was wrong. I can’t live here around them. Not even for you.”

He turns to leave, but this time I’m sure he’ll never come back, and neither will my heart.

I don’t realise how hard I’m crying til I feel arms take hold of my weak body, and sit me down on a nearby chair.

“Here, drink this.” Taylah shoves a cup of water in my face, and I down it in three easy gulps.

“Thank you,” I croak.

“Are you okay?”

I let out an awkward sound, half sob, half laugh. “I don’t deserve your niceness.”

“I don’t think today’s the day to worry about that.” She stands up and refills the cup from the water cooler, and hands it back to me. “You need to sort yourself out before Dakota wakes up.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to fake it this time.”

Uncharacteristically I lean my head on her shoulder, and she hugs me. My eyes fall shut in exhaustion, and I keep them closed to hold back the onslaught of tears.

Taylah stiffens beside me, causing me to immediately open my eyes. Jagger hovers over us, and a frantic rhythm beats in my chest. “Is Dakota okay? Is she awake?”

“Everything is fine, they’ll call us when she’s ready. I just wanted to speak to you.”

“I can’t, Jagger. Not right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” I laugh humorlessly. “It’s a little too late don’t you think?”

“I’m trying not to hate him.”

---