Page 71 of Rectify

Focusing on my breathing, I try to taper down my level of anxiety. I hear the elevator ping, and feel Jagger stiffen beneath me.

I know it’s him before I see him.

“Is that who I fucking think it is?” Refusing to answer I pull away from him and turn to face Jay.

His expression is unreadable, but I can feel it all in my chest, as if his hurt is my own. I step towards him, hoping to intercept whatever it is that's about to go down.

Irrespective of how angry he is, I can see his eyes soften when they land on mine. He cradles my face. “Is Dakota okay?”

At my simple nod, he bends down, and kisses me. And I let him.

If someone could die and be reborn in one single moment, this would be it. Where you feel your heart fly and fall in the same breath. Giving you life, and killing you slowly.

He’s not kissing me as if it’s the last time, he’s kissing me becauseit isthe last time.

Jagger’s curiosity is an angry bellow behind us that rattles me to my very core. I hear shuffling and shouting, and I know I can’t stay in this fairytale for one second longer.

I push at his chest, just as Jagger and Hendrix flank us. Jagger is staring at Jay and Hendrix is staring at me.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jagger spits out.

Jay clenches his jaw, but answers anyway. “Sasha and I were together tonight when you called. I wanted to make sure Dakota was okay.”

“Don’t you fucking say my daughter’s name.”

Jagger’s eyes pierce mine, with a look of disgust that I may never be able to recover from. “You said you wouldn’t see him.”

I open my mouth to speak but there are no words. How I thought this would ever go any other way is beyond me.

Jay looks at me. His eyes begging, and pleading.

Say something. Defend me. Choose me.

“Jagger,” I call out, trying to cut off his incessant ramblings. He doesn’t listen. Louder, I shout. “Jagger.”

In a swift movement, Jay grabs Jagger by the shirt. “She’s trying to fucking speak to you. Shut the fuck up and listen.”

He lets him go, only to have Hendrix anticipate Jagger’s next move and quickly stand in between them.

I step up to Jagger, weak and tired. “Can we not do this now?”

“How could you?” His voice is shaky, his hurt just another one to add to the pile. “This piece of shit? Really?”

“Don’t speak about him like that.” All eyes snap to mine as I defend him. “You don’t know anything about him.”

“He’s got you fucking fooled. You’re the one who doesn’t know him.” He sneers at Jay, before continuing his tirade. “Jay was the one who hooked me up with George.”

Jay says Jagger’s name like a warning, but Jagger ignores him.

“He vouched for me.” His words bring back my most painful memories. “Didn’t hate me enough to say no to that, did you, Jay?”

“It wasn’t like that,” he defends.

“So, what was it like?” he goads.

“You came to me, don’t act like I fucking sniffed you out.”

Overwhelmed by the extent of their secrets, and how they all lead to that fateful day. My breaths become short and ragged just thinking about it. How after all this time that Jay is so twisted and embedded in the events of my life without me really knowing.

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