Page 5 of Rectify

“His mum didn’t care what we did, and not in the sense where she wasn’t mad he went and got a fifteen-year-old girl knocked up, but she literally didn’t give a fuck what he did with his life.” Having Dakota makes it even more impossible to understand how Jagger survived such a bitch of a woman. It makes my heart ache for my best friend, but also feel confident in our decision to have Dakota. He needed her just as much as I did.

“She made it known he was to ask nothing of her, as she single-handedly excluded him from her life. Even though all she ever gave him was a slew of insults and reminders he was a no-hoper. I’m almost certain Jagger’s mother’s voice in his head, was the reason he wanted our baby. He was determined to be better. Do more. Love unconditionally.”

The circumstances of his home life were shit, to say the least, and as his best friend, I wanted to give him happiness that only our baby could offer. It may have been short-lived. And our happy family may have not grown into a life filled with flowers and rainbows, like we’d hoped for, but there were single, profound moments. Heartbeats of happiness that I will always treasure. A mum, a dad, and the most consuming amount of love two people could ever feel for another human being. It had been perfect.

“And how is his relationship with Dakota?”

“Now, it’s great, but there was a good portion of her life where he wasn’t around.”

“Where was he?”

“He went to jail when he was eighteen.”

“We’ll keep that story for another day. I want to wrap up and acknowledge that raising Dakota is obviously one of the impactful things to happen in your life, right?”

“One hundred percent.”

“How does being a mum make you feel, now that you’re not that anxious and pregnant teenager.”

Motherhood was more than anything I could have ever predicted. I may have been young, I may have been hurt, and I may have hurt people. But when I held her in my arms, I knew everything else would come second to how right being her mother felt. She was my purpose.

“It’s hands down my greatest achievement.”

Claire beams at me like I just answered the million dollar question. “Remind yourself of that, Sasha. Be kind. You’re human, and regardless of the things that taint your past, you’re doing a fucking good job.”

* * *

Walking into the already bustling childcare centre, I head straight for the office and set up for the admin portion of my day. When I was finishing up school, my mum suggested working in childcare. After graduating with my School Certificate, I was eligible to enroll and receive my diploma in Early Childhood Education and Care. It took two years to do it online, which gave me plenty of time to be hands-on with Dakota. By the time I was qualified to work, there was a job and a full-time spot for me and my baby at the centre.

I open up my planner and look over the list of things I need to get done today. Working in childcare started as a means to an end, but this place has saved me. It’s my second home, and the people here are my second family.

I moved around to different centres throughout the years, trying to find the perfect fit, until eventually, I went and got myself a business loan, and opened up my own. My mum, always the saviour let me use her house as collateral, and together we made it work. Because of this place, and the success I was blessed with, I was able to put a deposit on my own house, and finally stand on my own two feet.

Having Dakota so young meant when I needed to put the hard yards in, she was already in full-time school and very self-sufficient. And even if it was rare, and there was a time where I couldn’t do something for her because I was busy building our future, she had my mother and Jagger’s brother, Hendrix, to fill her time. She wanted for nothing, and we all made sure of it.

“Oh fuck, I didn’t expect you here today.” Holly, the centre co-ordinator exclaims. “You scared the shit out of me.” Second in charge, she’s basically someone I trained to be a clone of myself. After five years of working side by side, she’s become more than my right hand, she’s my best friend.

“I told you I was coming in after my appointment, it’s not my fault your head is always up in the clouds.”

“Hey.” She stares at me pointedly. “Don’t knock the clouds. It's a good place to be.”

I tip my head in her direction. “I’ll take your word for it. How’s the morning been?”

“Busy, but the family breakfast was a success. Everyone’s now settled into their normal routine.” We’re always adding different things to our schedule to make sure the days are not monotonous for both parents and kids. Today we invited all guardians to have breakfast with their children before drop off. Thankfully the kids love it, and the parents are always receptive.

“Is there anything left over from the breakfast?” I ask sheepishly.

She smiles knowingly. I never remember to eat, and everyone here knows it. “Jane made us a plate each. Let me go get them.”

Stuffing our faces with bacon and egg rolls, I go through the pile of papers between us. It’s that time of the year where the new year is on the horizon, and our focus is primarily on new enrollments, re-enrollments, and finalising kindergarten transitions. Surprisingly, taking care of children all day is the easiest part of the job.

The sound of the doorbell ringing has me glancing up at the wall mounted clock in our office. Parents very rarely drop their kids off after ten am, or pick them up before three. At eleven am, I’m curious as to who it could be.

“Do you want me to get it?” Holly asks.

“No, it’s fine. Jump on the floor and I’ll come and swap with you when I’m done.”

“Perfect.”

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