Page 49 of Rectify

“Yeah, about that.” I light up a cigarette and take a drag, stalling the lie. “I figured you’d have a full weekend with your daughter and I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“That’s what text messages are for.”

“I didn’t want to come on too strong,” I admit. “I know you’re busy. We both are, but I didn’t want you to think I had any expectations.”

“Well I agreed to see you again, so I think it comes with some expectations.”

There’s a hint of humour in her voice, but it’s clear waiting’til tonight to call wasn’t the best decision. “I was hoping to catch you this afternoon, but fuck, those parents sure can talk.”

She chuckles lightly. “Everyone definitely had a lot to say today.”

“You look like you really enjoy it.”

“It has its moments, but for the most part it’s exactly where I want to be.”

Wanting to keep the conversation flowing, I choose to keep it all centred around her. “Holly said you owned the place.”

“She did?” she squeaks. “I mean Ido. Own the place, but I didn’t know she told you.”

“It was just the once.” I don’t want her to think I’m talking about her behind her back. “That time I was trying to find a way to get you to talk to me. And you could probably include this afternoon.”

“This afternoon?” She sounds weary.

“She didn’t exactly talk to me, but she gave me one of those smiles.”

“What smiles?”

“The one that says ‘I know you fucked my friend.’”

“Oh my God. Tell me she didn’t?” I imagine her covering her face with her hands in embarrassment, hiding her newly formed pink cheeks. “I knew I shouldn’t have told her, she can’t hide anything for shit.”

“She seems like a good friend.”

“The best,” she clarifies. “I couldn’t run that place without her, and she’s been a great friend to me over the years.”

The sense of satisfaction that washes over me when she mentions having a good person in her life, someone who regards her as a priority, is unexplainable. She deserves good things. Whichever way they come.

Background noise and muffled voices interrupt the conversation. Assuming she’s been interrupted I pick at the beer label while I wait.

“Sorry about that,” she says, her voice now clearer.

“It’s all good, Lily is asleep and that’s the only reason there’s no interruption on my end.”

“Lily.” I can feel her smile as she compliments the best part of me. “She’s beautiful, you know?”

“Thank you.”

“Is it weird to say, I never imagined you as a dad?”

“Is that because you only imagined me dead?” I joke halfheartedly.

She gives me that carefree laugh. My new favourite sound. “No. I just... I don’t know, it suits you.”

“For what it’s worth, I never imagined myself as a dad either.”

I prepare myself for the question I know is coming next. It’s the one everyone asks when they see a single man raising a three-year-old. “Where’s her mum?”

It’s not a question I want to answer over the phone. In fact, I would rather I never have to speak about it at all. But if I dodge it, it makes me seem suspicious, and that’s the last thing I want Sasha to be towards me. My body feels like lead, the cold air from the floor rushing through me. “She passed away.”

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