Page 29 of Rectify

Between her and Jagger bringing up Dakota, my insides tighten at the thought of mistaking her curiosity for distress. “What did you say to her?”

“I told her the only thing I could.” She turns and looks at me with defeated eyes. “I told her there was nothing to worry about. I assured her repeatedly, but she wouldn’t budge, and eventually I told her to ask you.”

“She only asked me once,” I say defensively. “But I deflected.”

“How about you just start from the beginning?”

Not wanting to rehash the nitty-gritty details I explained to Jagger, I tell Emerson the part that explains the miscommunication of our friendship best.

“I always thought Hendrix and I would end up together.” I give a humourless laugh at my naivety. “I don’t even know how I thought we would overcome that shitstorm, but I genuinely believed we would.” I try and hide my resentment, keeping my voice as even as I can while explaining myself. “Then your best friend shows up on the scene and I realise everything that I thought would bring us back together, were the exact same things that pushed him into her arms.”

“Sasha, I never expected you to be okay after they got together.” The irritation from earlier has dissipated, sympathy in its place.

“Somewhere deep down inside I knew that, but it doesn’t change how it made me feel. It’s like I’m on the outskirts. You and Jagger, her and Hendrix… And then there's me. The one everyone pretends to like and put up with, just because of Dakota.”

Her eyes widen. “What do you meanjustbecause of Dakota?”

“She is the only reason I will ever have to be around Taylah and Hendrix, and I was hoping I could avoid it entirely. Leave it up to Jagger to maintain their relationship.” It sounds so petulant and self-centred when I say it out loud, but it's the truth. “Dakota is old enough, she doesn’t even really need to bother you or Jagger with that stuff. Her and Hendrix have always been self-sufficient when it comes to their relationship.”

“Regardless of my relationship with Taylah, you are Dakota’s mother, Sasha. There’s nothing negotiable about that.” She holds my stare. “You should’ve spoken to us about it. If you thought Jagger wouldn’t understand, you should’ve known I would.”

“Where’s the fun in that,” I joke, trying to lighten up the mood. “I’m sorry, Em.”

“You can have the space Sasha, but we’re all still a family.”

Choosing not to disagree, I give her the most relevant answer. “And sometimes families have fights.”

“And strong families, always make up.” She stands up and leans in for a hug. I hug her back, trying to absorb her confidence and her strength while she whispers the simplest words of encouragement. “You have been to hell and back for this family, Sasha. Don’t let a broken heart be the thing that wears you down.”

She goes back inside, and I take a few minutes to myself, mulling over what she said when Dakota comes out handing me my phone. “Here. It was ringing.”

I take it off her and check the missed call. I don’t recognise the number, so I don’t bother calling it back. Before I get the chance to hand it back to her it rings again.

“Hello.”

“Sasha.” My body reacts to the voice before I can even be sure it’s who I think it is. “Sasha,” the man repeats, my name a rough and hoarse plea. “It’s me, Jay.”

His name has goosebumps erupting all over my skin.

Trying to appear unaffected, I look at Dakota, and put my finger up signalling her to give me a minute. She heads back in without thinking twice.

Needing the support, I sit back down, my legs momentarily unable to keep me up.

“What are you doing calling me?” My voice is steady, a complete contradiction to the haywire beats in my chest. “How did you get this number?”

“You called me off it.” I think back to the day Lily hurt herself, and remember Holly tying up the main line, forcing me to use my own phone. An honest slip-up, I never thought he’d take notice and call me back. “You know I’ve been dying to speak to you.”

His voice gives off the slightest slur. “Are you drunk?”

“More like sedated,” he clarifies. “It’s been a long day.”

The sadness from earlier returns and I offer up a small reminder of the only light I know he has. “How’s Lily?”

“She’s perfect.”

There’s a long stretch of silence between us as he seems to get lost in his own thoughts “Is everything okay, Jay?”

At my question, a loud exhale travels through the phone. “Why is that such a hard question to answer?”

---