Page 28 of Rectify

My voice cracks. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” He squeezes my fingers in reassurance. “If she can forgive me, she will always forgive you.”

He has a point, but the fear is just too great. I don’t think I could handle even the slightest rift between Dakota and I. To me, the risk is not worth it.

“I just feel like a teenager all over again, trying to find my feet,” I admit. “I’m trying to juggle age-old insecurities with adult responsibilities.”

“So the thing with Hendrix brought this on?”

I think back on how much Jay’s presence has dredged up, the things Holly pointed out, and the surprise agreement about this theory from Claire. I think about everybody else being happy and me being a spectator, and I nod. “Something like that.”

8

Sasha

Feeling lighter than I anticipated after my conversation with Jagger, I decide I owe Emerson an explanation too. I can still maintain my space without being a total bitch. After all, honesty is the best policy.

I glance up at Jagger, who sits on a couch opposite to me. Tilting my head towards Dakota, I hint that I want to be alone with Emerson.

“Baby girl, want to grab a deck of cards from your room, and play speed?”

She jumps up and walks to her room backwards. “I can’t wait to win for the sixth week in a row.”

“I think this is my time,” he calls out to her.

“You’re dreaming,” she sing-songs from her bedroom.

Jagger offers me a wink, and I take it as my cue. I lick my lips. “Emerson, can we talk on the front porch?”

She looks between Jagger and I. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I blurt out unconvincingly. I point to the door. “I think I can explain outside.”

No questions asked, she follows me outside, until we’re both sitting in each of the wicker chairs that grace the patio.

I rub my clammy hands up and down my thighs. “So, I’m just going to spit it out all at once okay?”

“Mhmm,” she hums.

“I know I’ve been rude, and difficult to be around lately. And for that, I need to apologise.”

She doesn’t respond like I anticipate, instead, the background noises of cars driving on the main roads becomes our soundtrack. Feeling uncomfortable, I ramble. “I assumed your loyalty to Taylah meant that things would be awkward between us, and of course you would be loyal to her. I’m not mad or upset about that. I just…” I take a deep breath as my voice trails off into silence. “Truth is, I probably made it all up in my head, but either way, I thought you should know.”

She’s still quiet. “Are you going to say something?”

“I’m just processing all you said,” she answers indifferently. “I’m also trying to stop myself from calling you out for thinking all that.” Her voice rises. “I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t understand how upset you’d be after what went down.” Leaning on her elbows, she cradles her face and looks off into the night. “I accept your apology. Even if it’s unnecessary, but I’m still mad at you.”

“You are?” I shouldn’t be surprised, just because we haven’t known each other forever it doesn’t mean we didn’t develop a unique friendship considering our circumstances. As usual, it was selfish of me to think that her feelings wouldn’t be hurt by my unexplained absence.

“I assumed you needed time, and for the record, I tried to tell Jagger that. But to assume I couldn't be both your friend and Taylah’s makes me wonder whether you know me at all.”

Her voice shakes, but she cuts herself off before breaking down. She's more upset than I thought.

Either way, I'm responsible, and just as I predicted, I need to make it better.

“I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry,” I offer.

“Dakota was worried about you,” she says ignoring my apology. “If I'd have known how you felt, we could’ve come up with something to say to her. Together.”

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