Page 24 of Rectify

7

Sasha

He said he wasn’t giving up and I haven't seen him in a week. Max has dropped off and picked up Lily every day, and the words ‘where is Jay’ are on the tip of my tongue every single time.

If I thought she looked exhausted and worn down the first time I met her, now she’s a walking corpse, and I can’t help but want to know why.

Why she’s here instead of him, why she’s so sad. All. The. Damn. Time. And who she is to Lily. I want to punch myself in the face for even wanting the answers to these questions, but after I saw him with Lily… The way he doted on her. Held her. Loved her. It was like looking at a different man. One that wasn’t poisonous, one that hadn’t been tainted. One that I could stand to look at, and might want to know.

“You’ve been staring at her a little too much lately, don’t you think?” Holly asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Doesn’t she look different to you?”

“She might, but it’s none of my business.” I glare at her, annoyed at how she can stay so impartial to anybody else’s business but mine.

“I can be worried,” I retort.

“Is that another word for nosy?”

“Fuck off,” I say while sticking my middle finger up at her. “She just looks like she needs help or someone to talk to.”

“That someone doesn’t need to be you though.”

I ignore her warning and wait for Max to pass our office. I need to know she's okay. For a reason I don’t want to admit, I need to know the reason for her broken spirit isn't Jay.

For my own sanity, I have to prove to myself that the side of the man I saw last week, is real and tangible. That I won't always be such a bad judge of character when it comes to him.

Or even better yet, she'll tell me that he's the worst thing to ever happen to her, and I’ll know I was right to never give him the time of day. I can pack him up in the box I keep in my cupboard, where he's been all this time.

I hear soft footsteps and jump out of my seat. Holly side eyes me, but I wave her off as I walk out the door. I come face to face with Max, who sidesteps me thinking she's in my way.

“Sorry,” she says with a half-hearted laugh. “I think I'm in your way.”

“No, not at all. I actually wanted to talk to you.”

She raises her head and narrows her eyebrows at me. “If it's about Lily, you need to speak to Jay.”

“No, I actually just wanted to ask if you were okay?”

“Me?” Her voice squeaks in shock. She tugs at the sleeves of her cardigan and avoids looking back at me. “I'm fine.”

“If you need any extra help or someone you can talk to, Holly and I can help.”

She offers me a tight smile. “Really, it's okay. I've got to go.”

She manoeuvres around me, but I gently grab her arm. “Is someone hurting you?”

“What?” The question completely throws her off balance. Whatever timidness I thought she had is gone, replaced with red hot anger. “Who do you think you are asking questions like that? You don’t even know me.”

I let go of her and stand back to give her some space. “I'm sorry, Max. I didn't know what else to think. You just look so different lately, I was worried about you.”

“If you must know,” she spits out. “We lost a family member.” She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand before adding. “And we’re burying him tomorrow.”

Like a slap in the face, her words hit me hard and fast. Her lack of details tells me she has no idea that I somewhat know Jay and his family. I want to offer condolences, but I'm still stuck at who it could be and how did they die.

“You must've been close,” I ask, digging for clues.

With her face down, chin to chest, her head bobs up and down. The sound of sniffling follows, and I watch this small, delicate woman crumble. Whatever it was holding her together, has become loose. Like shattered glass, every single piece of her breaks into smithereens.

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