Page 64 of Revive

“I know you were,” he says dismissing my comment. “I just think this whole birthday thing means more to me than it does to her.”

I want to tell Jagger that Dakota has never gone a day without in her life, and having her father be there is the gift. All the other shit we give to kids is just extra bells and whistles to fulfil our own materialistic needs. However no matter which way I word that, the message I'm trying to get through to him is not the one he will receive.

It’s never my intention to throw in his face all the time I've had with her, and I’m cautious not to. Our lives have come so far beyond tit for tat on who sacrificed the most.

He missed watching his daughter grow up, and I raised a girl who would never be mine. These thoughts are selfish, and destructive. Secrets, he and I promised to keep in the vault.

We’ve come so far from the volatile people we were to one another back then. I try not to remember the bad days, the fights, and all my regrets.

“Bro, can I come in?”

“Yeah.” Shoulders hunched over my desk I finish the mountain of homework that I get lost in every week. “What’s up?” I glance up at Jagger and I’m immediately thrown off by the way he looks. Jittery and nervous are not words I would ever use to describe my brother. “What’s wrong?”

He walks into the room, and sits on the edge of my bed. “I need to tell you something.”

“Okaaayyy.” I push off my desk, and and spin my chair to face him.

“I need you to know I’m really really sorry.” His voice trembles, his eyes begin to water, and I'm at a loss at what the fuck could be the problem.

Out of habit, I roll the desk chair toward him, offering comfort. “Jagger, man, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”

He's shaking his head vehemently, working himself up by the second. “Tell me you’ll forgive me.”

I lean my hand on his shoulder, “Of course I’ll forgive you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, man. Spit it out.”

He closes his eyes and takes a big breath, before letting it out in one large whoosh. When he opens them, he stares directly at me. “Sasha is pregnant.”

For a second my mind just shuts down, unable to mentally process the three words he just dropped on me

“She’s pregnant.” I repeat, rolling the words on my lips, trying to shut the images down from my mind. “I'm going to kill that piece of shit.” Loud. Angry. Hurt. There wasn't a spare corner in my room that didn't feel my wrath. I jump up out of my chair, and pull my hoodie over my head. “Are you coming or what?”

“Where?” he asks, looking perplexed.

“I'm going to find Jay, and beat the shit out him.”

“You know about Jay?”

“Yeah man,” I say impatiently. “I knew when she started hanging with him, and then her and I had a blow up about it not long after.”

“How long ago?”

I look up at my calendar. “About six weeks now.”

“Drix, sit back down,” he pleads.

“What the fuck man?”

“It’s mine,” he screams, window shatteringly loud.

“Come again?” My voice is so low, the contrast between him and I frightening.

“We were at Lachlan’s party. Remember I asked you to come?” he rambles, and I'm frozen in time. “But you were too busy turning into a fucking church monk.” The room begins to spin while he continues to spew out his confession. “She was so upset, and I was already so fucking trashed. I told her to try and talk to you about Jay. I did. That's what I thought she was upset about. That's what she said to me.”

“So, she came to you crying,” I seethe “And you fucked her?”

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