Page 50 of Revive

He nudges my knee with the back of his hand. “I want to hear it anyway.”

“Whatever it is, I’m going to survive, just like I did the last time. Days, months, years. The time frame doesn’t matter. In the end, I want to be able to look back and say, ‘I survived it.’”

Lowering my chin to my chest, I simultaneously try and pull the blankets higher up my body, feeling heavily unguarded.

Fingers tip my face up, bringing my eyes to his. “I know it was a while ago, and I said it before, but I really am sorry about your dad.”

I nod, accepting his condolences.

He sits up at a ninety-degree angle like he needs a better look at me. He tucks my hair behind my ear before skating his thumb across my bottom lip. “For what it’s worth, I’m sure your dad would be so proud of you right now.”

He places the softest kiss on my lips, and naturally my body lights up at his touch, ready to take it further. “Stop,” he says, moving back. “I owe you an explanation.”

15

Hendrix

The words surprise us both, me more than her. I’ve never wanted to talk about anything to anyone. Not about my mother, about what went down with Jagger and obviously, not Sasha. Originally I kept things to myself because I didn’t want to burden others, but then my burdens turned into secrets, and those secrets have taken charge of my life.

Taylah agreed to me coming over because we had the intention to talk. We may have allowed ourselves to get side-tracked, but she deserves an explanation about tonight, and even if it feels out of character, it’s still something I know I can do.

“What are you talking about?” she asks, perplexed.

“Tonight at the restaurant. When it all went to shit. I want to—”

“Drix.” She leans forward, stopping short of my mouth. “We’ve come so far from that moment.”

“I know, but it’s the right thing to do.”

“Fine.” She pulls back, her eyes like laser beams, piercing through me. “What is it that’s got you so worked up?”’

A few long seconds pass and the ability to speak seems to have gone missing. The rush of confidence, dwindling. I know I can bail, redirect the conversation to anything else and she'll let me.

As stupid as it sounds, I don't know how to talk about myself. I don't share feelings, I don't let anyone in, and I sure as hell don’t ever get deep and meaningful with someone I’m sleeping with.

I'm scared of the vulnerability, scared to say something stupid, or even worse, something I can’t take back. But the voice inside my head is nagging at me to talk to her, to tell her things. To show her me. “Fuck.” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shake my head like the motion might just make everything make sense.

“God, Drix you're killing me here.” She looks around the room, and then back at me. “Lie down.”

“What?”

“Lie down. Let's sit the way we were before, and you don't have to look at me.”

“But I like looking at you.”

“When you're about to fuck me, yeah, but whatever it is you’re trying to say has you looking like a fish out of water.”

She fusses around with the bedding like she’s tucking in a child. I let her. Laying back down, we come together like magnets, her body wrapped around mine, my hands on her, and her head listening to the erratic beats of my heart.

With her dainty fingers roaming around my chest, I stare at the ceiling and let her soothe me into solace. Without admitting to the comfort of not having Taylah’s eyes on me right now, I dive straight into the pool of me and her. “This feels a lot more serious than I’m used to,” I start. “At the restaurant, I was a dickhead.” I feel her trying to get up in protest, so I hold her tighter. “You walked in that restaurant tonight, and sat with me and my friends like you belonged in my life.” She stills in my arms like she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. “The reason I turned into a jerk was because I was shocked by how much I wanted you there. You mentioned your dad passing, and the first thing that came to my mind was, ‘why don’t I know that about her already.’”

“Drix.”

“I know it was impossible, but in that split second, I realised I wanted to know things about you. Things everyone knows, things nobody knows…. It shocked me.” She sits up and the sheets fall off her back. Naked, wet eyelashes, and red cheeks, she’s raw, and on display. The woman in front of me is changing me, and for the first time, I welcome it.

“I don’t know what to say when you tell me things like that.” Twisting her body, she throws her legs off the edge of the bed. She walks out of the room, giving me a view of heaven, only to come back covering it up.

Even though I’m momentarily distracted by the fact her skin is no longer on display, getting to the bottom of why she stormed out is more important. “What is it?”

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