Page 26 of Revive

It’s Bethany who should be my punching bag, but I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing the shit she spews actually bothers me. I keep it all locked up and pour my heart out in my diary before I go to bed. I write about how scared I am he’ll realise how mediocre I am compared to all the girls who are desperate for his attention. How I feel forced to sleep with him to keep him, and the one thought that scares me the most, fucking this up and losing the most important person in my whole world.

I should talk to him about the way I feel because I know he’ll ease my fears, but instead, I listen to Bethany and pick a fight with Hendrix. He doesn’t know why and he begs me to explain it to him, but I don’t. I brush it off, push it deep, and force it away. Until the next time.

“Hey, Sash, what’s with the face?” Jagger comes up behind me, sliding my backpack strap off my shoulder and carrying it for me.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Besides the fact that I’ve been doing it forever, you’re my brother’s girl, I got to take care of you when he’s not around.”

I pinch his cheeks like he’s a little baby, our sibling type relationship strong. “Thank you. What would I do without you?”

“So,” He flicks my fingers from his face. “You can’t hide from me, you going to tell me what’s up or not?”

“Just girl shit. You know how we are. One day we’re friends and the next you’re wondering why.”

“Sometimes I wish I was a girl so I could know what it’s like to have tits for a day.”

“That’s so helpful Jagger, what would I do without your input.”

“Be less entertained that’s for sure.” He pulls an LCM Bar out of his pocket, unwraps it and stuffs it in his mouth. No bites, all in one go. “You ready to go home?” he asks with a full mouth. “Drix is waiting and he’ll be blowing up if I’m not delivering you to him in record time.”

“I’m not a package.”

“Whatever, I just do what he asks because I am a great brother.”

“Shut up, and let’s go.” He salutes, and I nudge him in the shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.”

We walk through the corridor, heading toward Block B, where Drix had his last science class for the year. I could pick him out from any crowded place, and this time it’s no different. Unfortunately, it’s not just him that I see, and my body physically freezes, but internally my blood is boiling.

“Sash.” Jagger looks back at me, standing there, far enough behind him that the gap between us is obvious and awkward. “Are you coming?”

I stand there numb, unable to talk. Bethany has her hands all over Drix, and I can see him trying to dodge her, but in my mind, it makes no difference. All I can hear on repeat is her telling me he’s going to leave me for someone else. Someone that will have sex with him whenever he wants it. Someone. Just. Like. Her.

“I have to go.”

“What? Why? What’s the matter?”

“Jagger, I have to go. Don’t follow me, and don’t tell him I saw him.”

“Sasha. It. Is. Nothing.”

I run off, ignoring him calling after me. My heart is crushing even though my mind knows better and is screaming at me to calm the fuck down. I don’t. I run as fast as I can and begin to plan how I’m going to break up with Hendrix.

I’m never going to be the girl he needs, and the quicker he finds out, the better.

* * *

“Knock knock.”Hendrix leans on the open doorway of the treehouse. His shoulder pressed up on the worn wood, his arms crossed like they’re protecting his chest. His heart. “You going to let me in.”

“It’s a public place.”

“I don’t want to impose on your personal space. Especially since you ran away, to get more space.” In less than two strides he’s standing beside my sitting form, making me feel even smaller than I already do. “What’s up?”

“We need to break up.”

“What the fuck?”

---