Page 17 of Revive

“I can’t stay here.” His words are for me, but their meaning only makes sense when his eyes linger a little too long at the woman behind me.

Like yesterday, the impulsive need to pull him out of his sullen mood is instinctual. “Okay, let’s go. I’ve got another song I need you to hear.” The side of his mouth rises reassuringly. Looking back at Sasha I’m taken aback by her expression, a whirlpool of longing and pain staring straight at me. “I’ll meet you at the car,” I tell Hendrix, feeling compelled to give him and Sasha some time alone. “Um, it was nice seeing you again, Sasha.”

She raises her hand in response, words failing her this very moment. I head to the car, and pray it’s unlocked, itching to have distance from whatever this Hendrix and Sasha situation is. Pulling the handle, the door opens with ease. A black Hilux, Rogue, and what looks to be the most recent model; his car is all man. Just like him, it’s refined, and sleek with an intimidating presence that only adds to the appeal. Trying to swiftly manoeuvre myself into the beast of a vehicle, I place one hand on the inside armrest and use my right foot on the car step. Using both as leverage I simultaneously push and pull myself up until I’m levelled enough to slide on to the passenger seat. Closing the door, I use all my willpower to not look up at their interaction. I don’t want to be interested, I don’t want curiosity to get the best of me. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to be sucked into a disaster waiting to happen.

I rummage through my bag for my earphones and then spend a minute or two scrolling through a playlist on my phone. I’m hoping to find the perfect song to transition me from what happened outside, to the drive home with Hendrix. That’s what I do. I use music to fill-in the gaps, to speak when the words are too hard or awkward to find. It’s always been my solace. My comfort. The edge off a hard day, or the soundtrack to a perfect moment. Whenever there’s a significant time in my life, music is always the unyielding best friend. Holding my hand, getting me through.

By the time the driver’s side door opens and Hendrix steps in, I’m already two verses and a chorus into “Shake it Off” by Florence and the Machine.I keep my eyes down and focused on the screen in front of me, pretending that the music playing in my ears has me entranced enough to not notice he’s beside me, or that I saw Sasha lock herself in her car when she’s supposed to be going back into the house with Dakota’s overnight bag.

Fingertips shadow my earlobe, gracefully pulling at the earbud. Florence’s voice disappears, and I’m left with no choice but to acknowledge the defeated expression written all over Hendrix’s face.

“Can you sync it up through the car?” he asks, surprising me.

“Of course.” I keep my voice as normal as possible, like his mood change isn’t obvious, or how his slumped shoulders make him look like a young boy who’s lost his way. “Do you have any requests?”

“Whatever you were bopping your head to will work just fine.” I connect my phone to the car stereo, and the song picks up right where it left off.

“Here, let me put it up some.” I reach for the volume, but his hand covers mine, pushing it away.

“I was kinda hoping you could do that whole sing and dance thing you did for me yesterday?”

Instead of being my usual self, I curb the sarcastic remark that would normally come out and tease him for lying about his enjoyment of my antics yesterday, and I restart the song, preparing myself to act crazy at his request.

“Okay, are you ready?”

He chuckles, “Am I ready for crazy?

I nod.

He turns away from me, his eyes darting straight to Sasha’s car. The sound of the ignition mixes with the bass of the song. Once he checks his blind spots his focus returns to the hunk of metal that holds his secrets. He exhales loudly. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

The heaviness settles between us. “That’s okay, Sexy, you get points for trying.”

* * *

“Just pull up here,”I direct. The car slows down in front of my house, my car in the driveway, which means my mum is inside, just as I expected.

“Is that your car?”

“Yes, my mum needed it. That’s why I didn’t have it at Emerson’s. But look,” I gesture between the two of us. “This would’ve never happened.”

“This?”

“Yes. You and me in a perpetual state of talking about random shit, while really wishing we were naked.”

“Really?” He drags his hand down his face, stopping over his mouth, clearly thinking before he speaks again. “I thought it was pretty safe on the drive home.”

“Only because we were both busy distracting you from whatever went down with Sasha.” My hand covers my mouth as I mumble a muffled string of profanities under my breath. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I have no idea why that slipped out.”

“Probably because it’s the truth.”

“It’s also none of my business.”

“You can’t help what you saw, and whatever it is that happened before I got there.”

“It was nothing, honestly.”

He shifts in his seat to face me. “Don’t lie now.”

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